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“Oh, you know me,” I start, finding that my voice is shaky. I clear my throat before continuing. “I get embarrassed. I felt silly over the pea thing."
"Oh," Lucy says as she reaches out and gives my arm a squeeze. "That was thebestpart. You guys are so adorable. And when I see you like this, the way you look at each other, the way youholdeach other…it makes me sick to my stomach.” She bursts out laughing. “But in the best possible way. Oh my god, why don't we have a gorgeous meet-cute like that?" She directs that last part to Tony as she taps the back of her hand against his chest.
"Because we met at a party in college when you were dancing on the table, and I was looking up your skirt,” he says.
“We were both drunk off our asses,” Lucy continues. “And it took us a year of drunken hookups before we decided we were perfect for each other.” They turn to each other and start smooching, and it’s kind of gross. But I like that for all their brashness, they’re still very in love with each other.
"College is an entirely different ballgame," Tarryn says, trying to tear her eyes away from Tony and Lucy. It’s kinda like trying not to look at a train wreck. "Tommy and I were in the same study group. He was shy. I wasn’t. I asked him out, and we’ve been together ever since.” She flashes us a smile and shrugs in the same way I did. And I wonder if she’s feeling lonely right now with Tommy back in the cabin with the kids.
“I actually really like the story of how you two got together. Tarryn didn't know that Tommy had a twin," I say to Nate. “She thought that he was ignoring her when she said hi to him outside of class. But it was Tony she was talking to, and he had no idea who she was."
"I was ridiculously embarrassed when I found out," Tarryn says. “It almost stopped me from wanting to date him.”
“I can imagine,” Nate says, smiling. “I remember having trouble with twins when I was growing up too.”
I’m eager to hear his story, but it gets cut short when we’re called into the theatre for the evening show. We wait for my parents and Aunty Joan as they make their way toward us. Aunty Joan has set up an itinerary that involves a new show every night. She wants us to have dinner together and to spend the evening together. The rest of the time is our own, bar a few activities here and there—like Christmas Day, for example.
Since she's the one footing the bill, I don't mind attending her choice of shows. The ship offers a wide selection, so we aren’t doing the same thing every night. And she selected shows with a lot of variety. Tonight we are listening to live music, and tomorrow we're seeing a magician. She's also selected dance shows and themed party nights. So there's something for everyone. I think she's done a great job, despite a few of the protests I’ve heard.
“After you,” Nate rumbles near my ear as we’re ushered inside. Something about the intimate way he speaks has my body on fire.This is going to be a very long ten days.
* * *
When the show is over,and the family has all said our goodbyes, we do a quick check in on Tommy who isn’t actually disappointed he missed the music. “Had it been a Led Zeppelin tribute band, I would have been all over it. But piano?” He mimes a yawn. “Count me out, guys. Thanks for taking one for the team, boo,” he says to Tarryn before kissing her on the cheek.
“I liked it,” she says with a smile. “And I enjoyed the company, so I was happy to. Thanks for walking me back, guys. We’ll see you around tomorrow?”
“Absolutely,” I say, leaning in to give her a kiss on the cheek before hugging my brother. “You two sleep well.”
“Wish I could say the same for you,” Tommy says, giving Nate a wink before he closes the door. And that’s the moment Nate drops my hand.
The short walk from Tommy and Tarryn’s cabin to ours is, in a word, quiet. If I were to pick another one, it’d be uncomfortable. We don’t say anything. Not until we get into the cabin and Nate starts pulling the couch apart to lift out the sofa bed inside.
“We could share the main bed,” I say, noticing how small that thing is compared to the rest of him. “Those things are always horribly uncomfortable, and this bed is huge. We’re adults. It doesn’t have to mean anything.”
“I think we’ve already proven that we don’t do so great acting like adults,” he says, his voice flat as he disappears into the walk-in and returns with blankets and a pillow. “I’ll be fine here.”
“Well then, how about you take the bed and I’ll sleep there. Or we can alternate each night. Keep it fair.”
He pauses his bed-making and turns to meet my eyes. “I’m fine here.”
“OK,” I whisper before I grab my toiletries bag and PJs then head into the bathroom, taking a quick shower to wash the evening as well as my hopes away. The man is so mercurial. I can’t figure out if we’re up or down, in or out. I’d thought there was still something there from the way he acted earlier in the evening, but now, after spending the last few hours glued to my side, it seems as though he can’t wait to get away from me. It’s confusing to say the least.
By the time I’m finished in the bathroom, running through my skincare routine and braiding my long hair, Nate is already lying in the fold-out bed, his back toward me as I pad across the room and get into the massive circular bed on my own. I feel lost in it as I pull back the blankets and climb inside. And I feel more alone than ever knowing the one person I’ve ever truly wanted isn’t that far away from me.Pity he doesn’t seem to want me anymore.
“Is it because I put on weight?” I ask suddenly, wincing once the words have left my mouth.How needy can you be?
“What?” He rolls onto his back and lifts his head to look at me in the dimly lit room.
“I…I asked if the reason you were so quick to move away from me tonight was because I’ve put on weight since Thanksgiving.”
“No,” he answers simply.
“Was it because you hate me now?” I stare up at the ceiling as I listen for his voice.
“No. It’s just the opposite.”
I push up on my elbows and frown in his direction. “I don’t understand.”
