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“It doesn’t matter, Delaney. Just get some sleep.”
“It does matter. What do you mean?”
He releases a sigh and shifts to a sitting position. “You hired me to play a role. To your family, I’m Liam. I’m always going to be Liam. That’s why how I feel about you doesn’t matter. I’m not Liam. I’m Nate. And what I want from you can’t happen because of that.”
“What do you want from me?” I ask, my voice coming out in a whisper because I’m afraid of the answer and what it’ll mean for me.
“You don’t want to know.”
“I do, Nate. Ireallydo.”
“Fine. But remember you opened this can of worms. It’ll be up to you to decide what you do with them all.”
“OK,” I say, secretly smiling since he just used a lame fishing analogy too.
I sit forward, and he meets my eyes. It feels like it takes an age before he finally speaks, but when he does, I’m blown away.
“I want to own you, Delaney. Claim you, possess you, make you mine and never let you go. I think you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in my life, and I have struggled going through a moment since meeting you where I haven’t had you on my mind. So being close to you, knowing I can’t have you the way I want you, is difficult.”
“Youcanhave me,” I whisper, my voice wavering and afraid of the implications of the words I’m speaking.
“That’s where you’re wrong, Delaney. You and I aren’t going to happen. Not unless you’re willing to tell your family the truth.”
“You want me to tell them you’re an actor I hired?” I ask, dread filling the pit of my stomach.
“Is it such a terrible request?” he fires back. “I don’t want you for a moment. I want you ineverymoment. And I’m not willing to lie and pretend I’m Liam for the rest of my life just to get it. I’m sorry if that’s hard for you, or if I’m adding pressure to a difficult situation. But it’s how I feel, and I won’t compromise on that. It’s all or nothing for me in this. I’m sorry.” He lies back on his bed and rolls to his side, effectively ending the conversation while leaving me completely speechless.
With my mind reeling from his admission and his words, I lie back, polarized as I stare up at the ceiling.Nate wants me.And not only does he want me, but he wantsto own me.Holy fuck. It’s like a dream come true, but it’s one that could very well cost me my family. I’ve always felt that their acceptance of me balanced on a knife’s edge, and the moment I stepped outside my designated box, that acceptance would disappear along with their respect, and I’d be cast out on my own, excluded and unwanted. The idea is positively frightening to me. And even if they did accept the truth, admitting to them that I hired Nate to pretend to be my boyfriend would be humiliating. But…I’d have Nate. Maybe I could weather that storm knowing I have him to return to each day. Except then, Aunty Joan would be hurt and devastated by my lie, and I don’t want to do that to her. But,Nate…. God, I have everything and nothing all at the same time. I curse the decision to hire a stand-in while at the same time celebrating it because it’s the reason Nate and I met. Looks like I’ve got a hell of a lot of soul searching to do before I can make a decision on what comes next. Actually, who the hell am I even kidding? I’ve been feeling awful without Nate in my life since Thanksgiving, and no one in my family was even around to check in on me or notice. Why am I basing my decisions on them, when I’m the one who has to live with the consequences?
Back when I was talking to Liz, I wanted to know what I needed to do to win Nate back, and this is it. So, I’ll tell my family tomorrow at dinner. They can react however they want. I want Nate more than I care about their opinions.
For the first time in my adult life, I actually feel like I’m coming into my own. And if I’m really lucky, pretty soon I’ll be coming with Nate too—pun intended.
NATE
Isleep better than expected. But I didn’t sleep for long. Instead, I spent an inordinate amount of time looking out the big balcony window, watching the deep blue sea kiss the cloudless sky as it turns from night to day. The entire time, I’m wishing I had Delaney in my arms.
Admitting my feelings to Delaney in the dimly lit room last night wasn’t part of the plan, but it also wasn’t something I could hold inside much longer. Being close to her is hard, and previous to coming here, I thought I could handle it. Turns out I’m not as in control as I thought I was. Turns out, I’m not in control of a lot of things. Least of all my feelings toward my cabin mate.
Having her ask me if the reason I didn’t want to touch her anymore was because she’d put on weight, tore me up inside. I almost quit all pretense in that moment and caved to my desire to go to her and hold her close. The kind of conditioning that causes that kind of self-doubt is deep-seated and unnecessary, and I never want her to feel unworthy or unpretty or undesirable ever again.
Now I feel like it’s my mission to convince her to risk it all and give us a shot. I understand that her family is important. But I also understand that a family’s love is meant to be unconditional.
Regardless of how she gets there, her happiness should be all that matters. And I believe I’m the one who can make her happy.She belongs with me.
“Nate. Are you awake?” Her voice is a delicate whisper that pulls me from my thoughts.
“I am now,” I say, rolling onto my back and finding her standing right next to my bed with a pad of paper in hand. “Holy fuck.” I clutch my hand to my chest, my heart thundering against my ribs. “What the hell are you doing right there?”
“I couldn’t sleep,” she says, offering me one of her innocently beautiful smiles. “I stayed up most the night thinking about the things you said.”Now she has my attention.
“And?” I sit up so my forearms are resting across my knees.
“And I made some… script changes if you will,” she says, holding out the notepad in her hand.
“Script changes?”
She nods as I take the papers from her and read over her impeccably neat writing.
