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Our weekend is off?
Gage reached the kitchen and started a pot of coffee, he needed it. Actually, he needed more than coffee, a good stiff drink would help, but he didn’t feel like running to the liquor store. He had just hit brew when his phone chimed. She wasn’t just upset, she was pissed. It’s gotten to the point that Gage could read Tilly and her moods from simple words written across a screen.
Yeah, baby, it is. I’m sorry.
Tilly was still holding her phone, resisting the urge to toss it across the room, when his message came through. It wasn’t just anger reading the confirmation that their weekend was off. She was sad, no, it was more than that. It was the reminder, too, that she was the other woman, that his wife still held the power. Thinking those thoughts was terrible, she could rationalize it all, that she was being crazy, but it didn’t stop her from feeling it. From being kept from the person she wanted, by the one who had him and didn’t appreciate what she had. Her eyes burned. She dropped her phone on the counter and stepped away from it because mixed with all those feelings was the reality that a weekend home, in her life, only left her wanting. She tried to pull it all in, taking a few minutes to let the disappointment soak in, before she messaged him back.
Not going to lie. I’m really disappointed, but a part of me understands.
Gage was staring at the brown liquid drip into the pot when his phone went off. He went to reach for it on the counter but stopped when Heather walked in. “I was thinking since I’m not going away, we should.” She came up behind her husband and put her arms around his waist, he tensed.
“I was going to catch up on some work this weekend while you were gone.” He lied, he was becoming a natural at it. He pulled open the cabinet above the coffee maker and grabbed a mug.
“Oh, I’ll have some, too,” Heather cooed then moved away from Gage to the fridge to grab her almond milk. “It’s winter, what could you possibly need to catch up on?”
“Just…,” Gage’s words faltered, “Just a few upcoming projects on the schedule after the winter breaks, was going to check out the properties, water drainage when it snows.” Jesus, the lies were just pouring out of him, like the coffee from the pot he had tipped over his mug.
Heather moved in next to him. “Maybe soon then, just me and you.”
He looked down at his wife, she was smiling up at him. Guilt he hadn’t felt in a while hit him so hard, he took a deep breath, trying to catch it. “Sounds good.” He coughed out before he took his coffee and his cell to the living room to message Tilly back.
_______________
“I’m sorry I was a bitch about Black Friday. I just miss you,” Candice offered, as she and Tilly shared breakfast at their favorite cafe.
Tilly had been surprised to get her call. They had barely spoken in the past few weeks. There was a part of her that got it. There was a time when all of Tilly’s free time was spent with Candice, but the kids were busier now, she had a part-time job. And yes, there was Gage. He was a priority in her life. “I’m sorry I’ve not been around as much.”
Candice reached for her coffee; her focus fixed on Tilly. “How are the kids?”
“They’re good. Busy. I’m looking forward to when Justin gets his license, and he can help with the driving. With two, I’m in the car a lot.”
“And Luke?”
“Luke is still Luke. Spends ninety hours a week working.”
Tilly waited because she knew Candice was really interested in Gage, but was trying to be polite. She could share, at one time she would have, but she wasn’t feeling that generous. An argument could be made that she was still a little annoyed by Candice’s freak out, but the truth was, she didn’t want to fuck up what was happening between her and Gage. He was leaving his wife. A part of Tilly felt awful about that, but a bigger part of her wanted a chance with him, a true chance. One that didn’t put the people they loved at odds with them, one where they didn’t have to sneak around to see each other. She knew it would be strange the first time Gage came to the house, the kids knowing who he was, and being old enough to realize there had been more to their meeting at Hershey. It would be a tough conversation, but one she wanted to have. She didn’t want to keep things from her kids, didn’t want to hide how she felt. She hadn’t set out to break up her marriage, she hadn’t set out to break up his. It happened. She was ready to pay penance for that as long as at the end of it she got Gage.
“Are you still seeing Gage?”
Tilly took a bite of her croissant to give herself a minute before she had to answer. She was going to lie. For the first time, she wasn’t so eager to be candid with Candice, because it was only a matter of weeks before all the pretense would be over, until she and Gage no longer needed to hide what they had. She wanted that, wanted him, more than she’d ever wanted anything, and she didn’t want to do anything to fuck it up, but she was lying enough. “Yes.”
“And how’s that going?” Candice asked. Maybe Tilly was reading into it, but she thought she heard a thread of disgust in her tone.
“I don’t expect you to understand it. Sometimes, I don’t. I know what I’m doing, and a part of me knows I shouldn’t be doing it, but I like him.” Tilly leaned back and laughed. “Hell, I admire him and respect him.” She leveled determined eyes on Candice and emphasized her next words. “And I love him. Not a fleeting kind of thing, he makes me happy in a way I’ve never been. I should feel badly about that because we met at the wrong time, but the point is, we met, and we connected and strong enough that we’re both willing to take the risk to see where it goes.”
Tilly didn’t miss the censure this time in Candice’s words when she lowered her voice and asked, “And Luke, your marriage?”
“What marriage? I might have a ring on my finger, but that’s about all I have when it comes to my marriage.”
“He deserves better than that,” Candice admonished.
Tilly’s temper stirred, listening to Candice defending her husband, when she knew as well as Tilly that Luke stepped out of the marriage a long time ago.
Leaning forward, her voice hard, she said, “What about what I deserve, Candice? I may be stepping out on my husband, but at least I showed up in the first place. I put in the effort. I tried to make it work. Month after month, year after year, when instead of growing closer, we grew more distant, I still tried. When I pursued a career, something to fill the gap, something for me, instead of his support, I got shit from him that I wasn’t home, caring for his kids and his house because that is what I am to him.” Anger dripped from her words when she asked, “Why do you think he spends so much time at work? He wants the illusion of the wife, the kids and the house in the suburbs because that image fits with the successful man he wants people to think he is. The one who has it all, the one to be envious of, but it’s a lie. No different than the lies I’ve told, and no less painful because I’m the one who eats alone, the one who sleeps alone, the one who, even with a ring on my finger, is perfectly, utterly and heartbreakingly alone.”
Tilly reached for her wallet and started pulling out bills. It pained her, but she was done explaining herself to her best friend. “I’m not alone anymore, and I’m sorry you have a problem with that. A problem that despite how I found happiness, I’ve found it.”
Candice dropped her hand on top of Tilly’s. “I’m sorry.”
