Page 71 of Letting Go


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Cedar

Natalie and Iwere having lunch. Beast had put on ten pounds. He looked like a different dog. He was on the ground at the outdoor café, sleeping at Natalie’s feet.

“Talk to me about Liam?”

“I know he’s busy with the tavern, getting it ready to take over completely, but…I don’t know. There are days I think he’s totally into me and then there are days that I’m not so sure.”

“Have you talked to him?”

“I have, but I feel like he’s holding back,” she said, reaching for her iced tea. “That night at The Rodeo, he was so animated, interested, you know. I had the best time.” She reached across the table and touched my hand. “I never did thank you for setting that up.”

“No thanks needed,” I said and meant. “But I wish things were going better for the two of you.”

“It’s not been the same. At first, it was great, but he’s retreating.”

“Well, if it means anything, I haven’t heard much from him either. Maybe he’s just busy working on getting his shit together for settlement. It is coming up fast.”

“Maybe.” She leaned in and asked, “So what’s going on with you? From what I hear, the sheriff’s truck is at your place a lot.”

“How would anyone see that?” I asked.

“People talk.”

“Yeah, small towns. He’s…” I paused, because finding the right words when it came to Killian wasn’t easy. “I love his quiet attention, his lack of words when words aren’t needed. I love that just being around him I feel safe, at ease…at home. I wasn’t looking, certainly never thought I’d find that rare kind of connection, but I…” Natalie was smiling from ear to ear before I confessed. “I love him.” I sounded surprised because I was, but it was the truth. “I love him,” I said, smiling as wide as she was. “I love that man.”

“Yeah, you do, and from the way he looks at you…” She paused. “Oh, you have to see it. It’s not just want and possession; it’s deeper. Not going to lie, seeing the way he looks at you, I want Liam to look at me like that.”

I knew the look, it was the same quiet, intense one that broke through all of my defenses and claimed me.

“I knew love once.”

Her eyes went wide. “You never mentioned that. Do tell.”

“It’s not a happy story, but I thought what I found with him was all there was. I loved him, mindlessly, senselessly even carelessly. Had things been different, we’d have been very happy. But Killian…it’s more.”

There were tears in her eyes. “You have to tell him that,” she said, then sniffled. “You really have to tell him that.”

I did and would continually.

“I say we get dessert. I think we’ve earned dessert,” Natalie said.

I reached across the table for her hand. “Talk to Liam. Even Killian said it was about time when he saw the two of you at The Rodeo.”

Her eyes went bright. “He did?”

“Yeah. So push, Natalie. Make him talk to you.”

“I will,” she said, looking happier than she had throughout our meal. “I definitely will. Thank you.” We shared a moment, before her hand went up to signal the waiter. “Now, we need sugar.”

“I don’t thinkI’ve ever seen sunflowers that tall, and it’s only July,” I said to Maureen, the following day when I stopped over to help her harvest her string beans. She had sunflowers all along the back of her property, and they were at least twelve feet tall.

“Beautiful, aren’t they?”

“Yes, they are.”

“Please try to get Killian over here. It’s been almost a month. I know he’s busy, but I miss him,” she said, as we picked the beans from the vine, the warm summer sun shining down on us. It reminded me of when I used to do the same with my mom, but instead of feeling sad, it made me happy. Life went on.

Cooper and Max were soaking up the rays, occasionally getting up to chase each other.

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