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Jace kisses the top of my head. “Uh,yeah. Idid. It’s not like you’re not already up at this time of the morning on a normal day.”
A nurse appears at the door. “Ms. LeRoux? Dr. Madison is ready.”
Jace and I stand. He keeps a tight hold on my hand. Squeezes. I look up into his handsome face. His long hair is tucked into a beanie. His green eyes bore into mine with the most devastatingly concerned look. His lips curl into an encouraging smile, causing his dimples to pop out beneath a day’s worth of stubble. God, how I love him. He’s all quiet strength and comfort. Effortless cool which comes from within.
I need him. So badly.
There’s no one on earth who makes me feel safer. It’s taken a lot for me to embrace how much I rely on him.
“My fiancé is coming too,” I say to the nurse as I squeeze his hand back. “This affects us both.”
Once we’re in the examining room, Dr. Madison motions for us to sit. To my surprise, she wastes little time. “Alex, I’m sure you’re frustrated by not having any clear diagnosis or treatment plan. Prescriptions for strong pain killers are not the long-term answer. You’re a young mother, no need to contribute to the opioid crisis if we don’t have to.”
My jaw drops. She’s so on point, I can’t even speak.
“My suspicion is that you have endometriosis.” She leans over and rests her forearms on her knees so she can look me directly in the eye. “Too many times my patients tell me when they’ve complained about the pain, their mother, friends, partners, and even their physicians, say, ‘periods are supposed to hurt, that’s normal’ and they don’t do anything. They grin and bear it. Endure being a female if you will. Unfortunately, no one seems to take it seriously until things get really bad.”
Jace turns to me. “Huh. Poppy, for years, you’ve said your cramps are normal.”
“Well, that’s what every gyno I’ve ever seen has told me.” I shrug. “How would I know any different?”
“So, what is endometriosis?” He stares intently at the doctors. “How do we cure it?”
She brushes invisible lint from her sleeve. “Well, in a nutshell, it’s a condition where tissue similar to the tissue in a woman’s uterine lining grows outside the uterus. It reacts the same way too. It can shed. And bleed. Symptoms range from nothing at all to severe pain. It can be mild or invasive. Unfortunately, there are still quite a few unknowns.”
“I don’t understand.” I’m shocked that no one thought to tell me this. Or that I didn’t even consider this possibility with all my Internet research. “Why am I just learning about this now?”
Dr. Madison leans back in her chair. “Endometriosis is difficult to diagnose, mainly because it’s not easy to see or feel using traditional tools or techniques such as a pelvic exam and ultrasounds. For many women, they aren’t able to have any answers without laparoscopy. It’s a fairly noninvasive surgical procedure where a woman’s internal organs are examined for deep endometriosis implants, ovarian cysts, and scar tissue.”
“Wait, so Alex has to have surgery?” Jace grips my knee.
“Maybe not. Your primary care physician referred you to me because I specialize in an innovative technique.” Dr. Madison points to a cart with what appears to be a laptop sitting on top connected to a bunch of fancy gadgets. “I’ve been using this special ultrasound machine to obtain super-high-quality images of my patients’ reproductive organs. I’m able to see everything in 3D, which potentially allows me to get your condition diagnosed expeditiously and accurately. Then, we can come up with a treatment plan.”
I scrutinize the machine. “So, you’ll be able to figure out what’s going on today? Gawd. I don’t know what I thought would happen today, but this is not what I had in mind.”
“Potentially. With the ultrasound, we’ve been able to see what we’re dealing with, measure endometrial thickness reliably, hopefully to eliminate exploratory surgery.” Dr. Madison wheels the machine closer to us. “This little beauty saves time and is incredibly accurate. Not to mention it’s much less invasive.”
Ten minutes later, Jace and I stare into the monitor as Dr. Madison slides the smooth sensor over every inch of my abdomen, stopping to take pictures now and then. I don’t dare speak because it’s so abundantly clear my insides are a mess.
When she’s finished, and I’m cleaned up, he and I resume our previous positions in the chairs across from her desk. She hands us a couple of pictures of my innards and points to the areas where what looks like sea sponges coat parts of my reproductive organs. “Alex, it appears to me that you have deep, infiltrating endometriosis.” She points to two particularly blobby-looking patches “Here and here indicate the presence of what we call ‘chocolate cysts,’ which are usually benign, but we will want to take samples to be sure.”
Throughout all of this discussion, I haven’t been able to look at Jace. It’s hard not to be horrified by what’s growing inside my body, I can’t imagine how he feels. When I venture a peek, I see he’s put his reading glasses on. A sure sign he’s in fix-it mode.
Gawd, how I hate needing to be fixed.
“How do we cure this?” Jace studies the images. “Are we now talking surgery?”
Dr. Madison scoots closer. “It depends. Are the two of you planning on having children?”
“Yes,” I blurt out just as Jace drawls, “We haven’t decided.”
We look at each other, confused.
“Why don’t I give you some information about what your choices are given what I’m seeing. We can schedule a follow-up appointment for next week after you’ve had time to discuss,” she says without judgement. I guess she’s used to delivering not-so-good news to couples who aren’t necessarily on the same page.
We don’t say anything as we wait for the elevator. Not on the ride down. When we reach our destination, I step into the garage and bolt toward the Range Rover. Before I can get into the passenger seat, Jace’s palm smacks the window above my head to keep the door closed.
“Please, don’t shut me out.” His gravelly voice echoes in the cement enclosure.
