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I pull my coat around me tightly. “I’m not planning on it.”
He clicks the fob and unlocks the door for me. I slip into the seat while he moves around the car to sit behind the wheel. Resting his elbows on the steering wheel, he buries his face in his hand.
“I’m the one with the fucked-up reproductive system, don’t be so gloomy.” I make a sad, pathetic attempt at a joke.
“Alex.” He looks at me with tears in his eyes. “This isn’t funny.”
I sulk back into my seat and cross my arms. “Of course it isn’t funny. There’s a solution. I’m going to have the surgery and then I’ll be fine.”
“No. You heard what she said, we don’t know if that’s an option.” Jace’s mouth is set in a grim line. His lip quivers. Just slightly.
I can’t help it. I can’t hold back. Jace is sad. I’m devastated. I burst into tears.
He wraps his arm around my shoulders and cuddles me. “Hey, it’s going to be okay. We’ll get through this.”
“If it’s possible, I’m willing to take the risk, Jace.”
“What about what I want?” He leans back and withdraws his arm. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want us to get married. To raise Lena. To get certification for the ranch so we can do real therapy work. Go on tour for a couple months a year with the band to pay the bills. It would be an excellent, fulfilling life. One we’ll build together.”
I reach for his hand and thread my fingers through his. “Jace, stop. All I’m focused on is getting rid of this crap inside my body so we at least have the chance to get pregnant. Don’t tell me you don’t want a baby too.”
“She said that if you take a combination of birth control pills and hormones the symptoms might resolve themselves.” I’ll give it to him, nothing much slips past him.
“And she said hormones might put me into menopause. I wouldn’t be able to have a baby. So, it’s a worse option than having surgery.”
He shakes his head. “Poppy, she flat-out said there are lots of risks if you go under the knife.”
“Look. We’re not going to solve this today. Let’s pick up Lena. I want to do the Christmas stuff.” I buckle my seatbelt and stare straight ahead. I’m furious at Jace. Who does he think he is? It’s my body. My decision.
“Poppy?”
I say nothing.
“Poppy.”
I keep my eyes fixed on the window.
“Poppy.”
“What do you want me to say?” I bellow. “Did you see those images? That’s inside me. I feel disgusting. I feel utterly and totally damaged. Can you please give me a little time to process all of this? Let me absorb? You’re coming at me and telling me what I can and cannot do. I know you’re scared. I know you mean well. I’m begging you. Please stop before you say something you won’t be able to unsay.”
“But…”
I whip my head. “Jace. I don’t want you to fix me. Right now, all I want is for you to just love me.”
He gulps. “I do love you. More than anything.”
“I love you too. So can we please get Lena and have a fun day? No matter what’s going on with me, I’m hermother.She deserves to have the day we promised her and I’m going to give it to her. Okay?” I place my hand on his knee. “Let’s get out of this parking lot. Please.”
Jace nods and starts the engine. We head toward my mom’s house to pick up our daughter.
I’m a fighter, that’s what I know.
So is Jace.
We’re both used to making things happen. For creating our own magic.
I want to expand my family with Jace.
