AllFreeNovel
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“These are gorgeous.” Fiona grabs my phone when we’re done and scrolls through, stopping to airdrop a bunch of shots to herself. “Will you post them?”
“Where? I’m not doing the band social anymore.” I pull Lena down from Samantha and cuddle her to my chest. She’s exhausted and nestles into my neck and starts sucking her thumb.
Zane helps Mia off Gloria. “Dude, she’s talking to Alex.”
Alex shakes her head at me and takes my phone from Fiona. “Yeah, I’ll post on the ranch IG. I’d love to make a tradition with all the kids, don’t you think?”
“Absolutely. It will be so awesome to watch them grow up and have this experience every year.” Fee flips through her phone, checking out the shots. “What a fun day, you guys. I needed this break badly.”
Fiona and Zane bring the girls in for their bubble-gum ice cream and cupcakes while Alex and I sort out the horses. We visit for a bit and after they leave, I eat the lunch leftovers and we watch Disney+ until Lena conks out. I put her to bed and rejoin Alex on the couch. She’s fired up the latest season ofHeartlandon Netflix. I cuddle her to me.
“You deserve to be a mother, if that’s what you want, Poppy,” I whisper against her hair. “I’m sorry if I haven’t seemed supportive. I just can’t stand the thought of anything happening to you.”
She tightens her arms around me. “I never thought I’d want it. You know that. I didn’t mean to change my mind but it’s how I feel. Dr. Madison seems to think she can make it happen.”
“Yeah, but you’re not talking about it tome. I’m trying not to annoy you, but all this stuff is a lot to take in. I hope you know I’m here for you. I wish you would tell me how you’re feeling instead of bottling it up.” I wind my finger around a lock of her hair.
She tilts her face to mine. Her full lips glisten. I bend my neck to kiss her. Little nibbles. Slips of the tongue. My dick fills immediately. My hands roam across her back. Her taut waist. She sits up and faces me. “I know. I’m sorry. I miss you.”
“I miss you too.”
“All of this is messing with me. I feel disgusting. I’ve seen pictures of endometriosis…it’sinsideme.”
“Don’t you dare say you’re disgusting. Not when you are the most beautiful woman on the planet,” I interrupt. I can’t listen to her feel insecure about something she can’t control.
She buries her face in her hands.
I know what she needs.
And I’m going to be the one to give it to her.
Always.
Jace’s fingers lace through mine and he pulls my hands from my face.
“You’re ravishing.” He kisses my forehead.
“You’re pure joy.” He kisses each of my temples.
“You’re light and love.” His lips touch mine.
“You’re my everything,” he murmurs against my lips as he brings our clasped hands together behind his back. My nipples harden when my chest presses into his muscled pecs. I’ve missed this. Us. I’ve been in a fog ever since I found out what I was dealing with.
I’m not me anymore. I’m a shell. An insecure woman whose ever-present thought is how badly I’m damaged. How gross I feel. Negative self-talk flows through my brain in a nonstop loop. Whispers of why a man like Jace—who is not only a perfect physical specimen, but the most capable, intelligent, funny man I’ve ever known, not to mention rich and famous—would want to stay with me. A not-quite-thirty-year-old woman on the precipice of what could be infertility.
His sweet words help, but don’t drown out these voices.
“Why?” I’m breathless between his kisses.
“Why what, Poppy?” He releases my hands and brings his palms to the sides of my face. Tenderly, he strokes my cheeks with his thumbs. His crazily green eyes bore into mine. Questioning my question. Seeking…something. Something I’m not sure how to give him.
“Why…” The words get stuck in my throat. I’m such an emotional basket case these days. It sucks to not feel like yourself. Weak is not something I’ve ever been. This feeling is so unfamiliar. I’ve held it together—by a string—all day, and the effort’s taken it out of me.
He draws me to him by wrapping strong arms around my back. “I don’t know how to help you. How to make you see that no matter what, you’re perfect. That I want to be with you forever.”
“But I’m all over the map. I’m not the person you fell in love with. I’m not fun anymore. I’m broody. My body is betraying me. The one thing most women take for granted—I took for granted—is now a huge unknown. You can be with anyone, Jace. Why do you want me…”
Jace pulls back abruptly, his eyebrows knit, and he crosses his arms protectively across his chest. “Jesus, stop saying that. When I was fucked up over the paternity stuff, I was an absolute asshole to be around. You stuck by my side even when I pushed you away. Why on earth would you think I wouldn’t stick by you when you’re going through a hard time?”
