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“Do you guys have something to say to me?” I look at both of them in succession. “Do you think thatI’mthe asshole here?”
“I’m going to be honest with you. In retrospect, you got too involved in LTZ’s media stuff, Jace, and we were all too stupid to see it. Or put an end to it.” Connor points to Zane. “Ty had a lot of baggage. We all knew that. You made it your personal mission to fix things when he acted out…”
I try to interrupt, “Connor, if I hadn’t—”
“I know. Look, I buried my head in the sand. It’s no secret I was annoyed with him for many years.” He holds his hand up so I’ll let him finish. “When Ronni was fake dating him, she got to know him on a pretty deep level. She always suspected he’d been traumatized somehow because she’d also been through it and was convinced she saw similarities. Ty is part of this band. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that he was triggered that day. We’re older and wiser now. It’s time for some changes that all of us need to make. We also need to remember, above all else, the four of us are brothers.”
Zane chimes in and gestures to me, “Jace, you always jumped in and just handled shit for us. And we let you. You never took time for yourself. Never prioritized your relationship with Alex. Take it from me, I feel bad that you felt you had to hide it from Ty. It’s fucked up that you put her on a backburner for so long. There’s not a doubt in my mind that’s where your resentment comes from.”
“Uh, isn’t this about Ty?” I’m shocked that I’m suddenly in the hot seat. And how eerily accurate Zane always is.
“No, it’s about all of us.” Connor squints and nods.
Zane hops up and goes to the window. “Fee’s going to do the reopening in five months. As you guys know, she took a couple of months off and gave her staff some time off too. Everyone is on board and ready for a redo.” He turns to us. “I want one for LTZ too. What happened was nuts. It sucked. We were minutes away from making magic happen again.”
“I want the band back together too.” Connor gets up and joins him.
Both Zane and Connor stare at me. Still sitting with a glass of whiskey that I haven’t even yet sampled. “Well, what if Ty doesn’t? Isn’t all of our fate in his hands? Again?”
“Don’t let your past cloud your judgement, Jace.” Zane walks over to me. “Remember, you and Ty were close. As far as I can tell, it’s only been the past year or so that you’ve had this attitude about him. What the fuck, man?”
I can’t help but sigh because Zane’s correct. I’m certainly not ready to admit it to him yet. Not until I see Ty firsthand when we meet at Zane’s tomorrow. I don’t want to make promises. I also don’t want to make excuses. “I’ll try to be cool. I just want to know what we’re dealing with. I don’t have it in me to go through any shit with him again this year. Or ever, truth be told.”
Zane puts his hand on my shoulder. “In case it isn’t clear, Connor and I wanted to talk to you, Jace. That’s why we’re here. Connor and I both want LTZ to continue. I’m ninety-nine percent sure Ty wants to continue. Before we all see him tomorrow, we needed to ask you ifyouwant to continue too. You are just as important to LTZ as Ty is. What do you think? Do you want LTZ to continue?”
“I don’t know,” I confess. “I’ve just been come through hell. I find myself wanting to be with Alex every minute of the day. I don’t think you guys realize how close I was to losing her. She’s still recovering, you know.”
“Fair enough.” Connor raises his glass. “We all have to be in, or it’s not happening. Give it some thought.”
It’s funny. Coming into this meeting, I was adamantly opposed to having the band continue. Alex was the one who told me to come in with an open mind and an open heart. She could be bitter and angry about all she’s lost, but she’s not. She’s Alex. Positive. Looking for the good. Believing the best.
I owe it to her and to me to take my time. Decide what I want. What Ineed.
Maybe for the first time, ever.
I’m lucky to have the woman and friends behind me to give me the space to do it.
For that, I’m grateful.
It’s a beautiful fall day. My favorite time of year.
Our entire property is surrounded by maple trees. They’re at the stage I love most. Orange, yellow, and red curtains of fire. For me autumn is the season which symbolizes new beginnings, not spring. The crisp air and the smell of winter coming always makes me feel the most alive.
Especially this year.
The year I’m lucky tobealive.
I’m sitting on the porch swing. Becca and Lena are feeding the horses. Jen is doing my barn chores because I’m still not allowed to do anything strenuous. My body is healing, but not quite healed. There’s an upside. Between Jace, my mom, Jen, and Becca, I never have to lift a finger.
With little to do, I take comfort in gazing out across the land that I worked so hard to acquire. There is no place I’d rather live.
“You’ve got quite the Zen aura going on.” Jen emerges from inside the house and sits next to me, wrapping the quilt she brought out around her.
I take a long sip of my coffee. “Just waiting on my dad. Jace is over at Connor’s for the LTZ pre-Ty meeting.”
“Ah, he’s back from rehab tomorrow, right?” Before Becca, Jen hung out with the band a lot when she was younger and still dating Connor. She knows all the guys from back in the day. “He’s been gone a long time. Hopefully, it sticks this time.”
I’ve texted with Zoey once or twice after my near-death experience. She’s made a lot of effort; I’ve made some too. Jace hasn’t completely come around yet, but she’s my best friend. We’ll get through this. “Yeah. We’re all meeting at Zane’s after his flight gets in.”
