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“That seems like too much pressure.” Jen squints at me.
I shrug. “Zoey set it up. I guess we’ll have to see.”
Becca and Lena approach hand in hand. As soon as Lena sees me on the porch she runs toward me at full speed. Bounds up the stairs and skids to a stop just before she plows into me. “Mama, I feeded the horses.”
“You’re such a great helper.” I gather her against me. Becca gives her an assist to sit in my lap. I’m still not supposed to lift over twenty pounds, so I don’t ever risk it. “Are we snuggling until your grandpop comes to get you?”
“Yah.” Lena is so delicate and careful with me. I can’t wait until we are normal again. UntilI’mnormal again.
Gawd, I know I’m a terrible patient. Not because I’m needy. It’s the opposite. I hate being helpless. No, that’s not it. I hateneedinghelp. It’s the most annoying part about waiting for my body to heal from such a traumatic experience. It’s also why I’m obsessed with doing physical therapy. And walking twenty thousand steps per day. I want my old life back.Stat.Hence, my obsession with getting strong.
A car approaches. My dad’s Mercedes Maybach GLS crunches the gravel on our driveway. Lena hops off my lap and runs to greet him as he steps out of his ridiculously expensive SUV. “Hey, baby Lena!” He picks her up effortlessly and twirls her around.
“I’s not a baby, Grampop” She sticks her lower lip out as far as it will go.
The corners of his eyes crinkle. “I forgot you’re already forty years old.”
“No I’s two.” She holds up three fingers, and I stifle a giggle.
My dad listens to Lena tell him about feeding the horses for a bit while Becca, Jen, and I hold our giggles at how darn cute she is. My daughter is so very serious when it comes to the horses, and I do not want her to think I’m laughing at her. Or to do anything that discourages her in any way.
“I’ll go get her bag.” Jen pops up and disappears in the house.
I touch her arm. “Can you and Becca take Lena and feed her a snack? I’d like to chat with my dad for a bit.”
“Of course.” The three of them go into the house.
My dad smiles at me. His silver hair gleams in the sun. Even on the weekend, he’s dressed up. Dark jeans. Crisp, gray shirt. Loafers. I sprint down the steps and give him a big hug. “You look handsome.”
“My beautiful daughter.” He clings to me like I’m drowning. It’s ironic. For a man who’s never been overly demonstrative, ever since I almost lost my life, he’s amped up the affection by ten thousand.
“Walk with me.” I pull away and walk backward toward the barn.
He looks down at his shoes, then the dusty ground, then at me. “Uh?”
“Forget your shoes. I want to show you something.” I hold my hand out and wiggle my fingers. He takes the hint and I lead him to where Gloria and Samantha are poking their noses out.
We step inside the barn and I pat a bale of hay. Reluctantly he sits, balancing himself at the very edge. I sit cross-legged next to him.
He startles when a horse whinnies. “Jesus, I’m not sure where you got the stinky animal gene, Alexandria, but the smell in here is something.”
“I’m going to marry Jace.” I ignore his comment. He’s always joking with me. Or joking at my expense, more like it. I’ve done so much soul searching while recuperating. I’m not one to dwell on things, but I’ve come to many realizations about why I’ve avoided committing to Jace. There’re a million things I want to get off my chest.
“Of course you are.” He gingerly scoots back just a little on the hay. “We could have discussed your wedding over a glass of wine. How much do you need?”
I can’t help but look at him slack-jawed. “Dad, we don’t need your money.”
“Ah, is he going to ask me for my blessing? How much can I mess with him?” He grins from ear to ear.
I fold my arms across my chest. Think better of it and pull up the hem of my T-shirt. “Did you see my scar?”
He glances at the dark-red slash under my belly button and looks away. “Jesus, Alex.”
“Yeah. Jesus, Alex.” I let my shirt drop. “That is the scar that will forever remind me that I will not be able to have children with the man I love. Children I didn’t even want until I was able to let myself love him fully. I don’t want to make a big thing. I’m not here to chastise you. But I do want to say my piece because it’s taken me far too much time and a hell of a lot of pain to get to the place where I feel worthy of Jace’s love.”
My dad unbuttons the top button on his shirt and shifts on his seat. “Uh, okay. Um, I’m not quite sure where this is going…”
“You left mom. I remember the two of you being so in love. You and I had all these little fun things we did. Like picking huckleberries. Cycling around Greenlake. Sneaking chocolate from the pantry. I thought my life was perfect. I thought I had the perfect family. Then, all of a sudden, you were gone. With that woman you ran off with.” I shudder a bit because I’ve pushed these feelings of resentment down so far it’s hard to dredge them back up. “I remember Mom begging you to stay and instead you moved out of state. When you came back to Washington, you were already married to someone else.”
