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“I wish.” He’s my favorite dude of all time. I’m lucky to have him; my bandmates haven’t been as fortunate as me in the dad department.
“Can I tell you a secret?” he continues without waiting for an answer. “You’ll come to learn as your family grows that there’s no way to feel like you’re a good parent on a day-to-day basis. It’s scary shit.”
Six months ago, I wouldn’t have a clue what he’s talking about. Now that we have Lena, though, I get it. “I never realized until we brought her home permanently how intense the responsibility is.”
“Well, thank God you picked Alex as your partner. She’s a keeper. You’ll get through all of this together.”
“Can I ask you something?” I look into my father’s eyes, which are as piercing green as mine are.
“Sure.”
“You like to tell the story of how long it took for Mom to agree to marry you. How you were patient. Waited. All that stuff. I’d like for Alex and me to get married, but she just doesn’t seem into it.” I fold my arm around Lena, who is still dozing away. “Should I officially propose and risk her saying no, or should I be patient and wait?”
Dad chuckles. “Jesus, maybe you should talk to your sisters about that one. But if you want my opinion, she’s likely waiting for you to make a definitive move.”
“I talk about getting married all the time,” I protest.
“Do you though?” My dad cocks his brow. “I’ve heard you say you want to get married. It reminds me of how I used to talk about marriage with your mom before I wised up. One day after we’d been dating for a kazillion years, she told me she was leaving for a year to travel the world. The fear of losing the best thing that ever happened to me kicked me in the ass. I hope you don’t need that sort of catalyst to kickyourass into proposing.”
I try to recall if I’ve ever officially proposed. I squint over at him. “Um, I hear what you’re saying but isn’t it fucking obvious I’m in it for the long haul?”
“I don’t see a ten-carat rock on her finger.” Dad shuts his eyes and folds his arms across his chest.
Shit. Have I been that clueless? I thought Alex would laugh if I gave her a grand proposal like her best friend received. Connor and Ronni practically eloped. Zane and Fiona, well, they’re in a category all their own. Still… “Uh, Alex isn’t Zoey. She’d hate a huge diamond ring. We’re super low key.”
“Sounds like you’ve got it all figured out then.”
“Not really…” My mind is racing. Alex deserves the best. “What should I do?”
Dad keeps his eyes closed. “You know your girl. It doesn’t have to be something crazy, just something that will mean a lot to her. You’ve got it in you. Didn’t you get that poppy tattoo for her all those years ago? Didn’t you rent a villa in Lake Como? All you’ve got to do is make a memory for her, J-bird.”
“Yeah, but my previous grand gestures backfired,” I mutter, semi-annoyed. “She’s unique. In a category all her own.”
“Well, then think unique. Trust your instinct.” A couple minutes later, a soft snore indicates he’s napping. I shut my eyes too and as I begin to drift off cuddling Lena, I try to remember all the times Alex and I have had actual conversations about getting married. A grand total of none. Only vague platitudes.
Huh. I realize my dad’s on point.
I’m going to have to step up my game.
Because I’ve waited a long fucking time for Alex to commit to me.
I’m not letting her slip through my fingers ever again.
Gawd, it’s insane how bad my cramps have become over the past year.
For several months, the dull ache in my lower back indicates the start of it. The pain spreads into my hips and settles like an anvil into my lower belly a day or two later. By the next day, I’m not exaggerating when I say it feels like a million knives are stabbing me up through my vagina every time I take a step.
Or move. Or breathe.
Gahhhhhhhh…it’sunbearable.
I release the death grip I have on the banister and sit on the stairs, frozen in pain. I can hear my mom, Jace, and Lena chattering away in the kitchen. There’s one thing I must focus on. Getting myself upstairs where Mom keeps her blessed Tylenol with codeine tablets from Canada. They’re the best option I have to manage this temporary agony so I can get on with my evening.
Nothing. And I meannothingis going to keep me from this long-overdue date night with my man.
Still, it takes me about ten minutes to take the pills and wait for them to kick in.
“Poppy?” Twenty minutes later, Jace peers into my bedroom where I’m curled up in a ball on my childhood bed. “Are you okay?”
