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Although, when that day will be is anyone’s guess.
Cause right now? It hurts like a bitch.
* * *
"Sing it, Adele."I hold my hand up to my pretend audience, laying out all my troubles. Hoping like hell the words of the song are true. That I'll find someone one day because right now, love isn't lasting, it fucking hurts.
My rearview is blocked by boxes.
Those of which I was able to pack before leaving the apartment I'd shared with my ex-fiancee. He's moving in with his new fiancee next week. I learned that mere minutes before I left Boston. Talk about kicking me while I'm down.
Tears bubble up at the corners of my eyes again.
How do I have any left?
How do I still have feelings for this man who cared so little about me?
We had plans. Ones that we were working on making a reality. Yet, here I am. Heading back to the town where I grew up. Fixing to sleep in my childhood bedroom and preparing to face everything I left behind.
Blizzard Bluff 15 miles ahead.
According to the sign, much quicker than I wanted to.
The sun is starting to set as I cross over the pass, to begin my ascent up into the mountains. Rising over the crest, it’s breathtaking. Colors of purple, orange, and yellow splash across the horizon with a little pink thrown in here and there. Every night of my life until I was eighteen, I saw this sunset, and I didn’t appreciate it.
Tonight, I decide I’ll count my blessings that not only am I able to see it again, but I’m old enough to realize how to much of a treasure this is.
Entering Blizzard Bluff is like opening a time capsule, only they aren’t things from the past. They’re still here.
The Pharmacy - which features the best burgers and milkshakes I’ve ever had, First National Bank - it’s been the only one in town since I can remember, and Blizzard Bluff Baptist Church - where I attended Sunday school from the moment I was old enough to know what it was, until the day I left this town.
Taking a right at one of the four stoplights, I head toward my parents’ home. This is another place I haven’t seen in years. They’ve always come to see me in Boston. They never asked me to pay to come see them. Instead, they took it upon themselves to never try and make things difficult for me.
Which makes me feel like shit for the way I’ve thought of my mom and dad while I was with Camden. His family had money, and in the end made me feel inferior.
I made a point to do all the things with Camden I’d wanted to do as a kid.
Namely, traveling.
Traveling was one of the things I wanted to do, something my parents could never afford. I’d come back from summer break. Everyone would be talking about their trips to The Grand Canyon or Disney. It was another point in my life where I seemed to be left out.
I promised myself when I was able to make my own way, it would be a priority of mine. I’ve been on cruises to the Caribbean, driven in Canada, walked the streets of Liverpool, and sunbathed on the beach in Mexico. Life as I knew it was great.
Especially with the man I'd promised to spend the rest of it with.
I should've known things that seemed too good to be true, in fact were.
He indulged me. Any idea I had, every whim, he was willing to help me make happen. Little did I know, he wasn’t happy. Not with me, not with our lives, and definitely not with the idea of it being us forever. All shit I’ve found out he hated. As soon as he left me at the altar, all bets were off. Facebook posts I’d never been able to see were made public. Words that had been spoken behind my back are now spoken to my face.
It’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
Inhaling, I let the disappointment wash over me, but at the same time, I stiffen my bottom lip. I've cried enough overhe who shall not be named.
It's a five-mile drive to my parent's house, and as soon as I see the dormer roof, I'm home. I used to look out that window every night before I went to sleep. I'd hit my knees and pray to whoever would listen. I'd ask for the life of my dreams, and I'd promise to be grateful.
Well I’d gotten the life, but maybe I hadn’t been as grateful as I thought I was.
It all slipped from my hands and I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to get it back again.
