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“Couldn’t sleep?” I croak, sidestepping around him as he continues to face the water.
The thrumming pulse of the protruding veins in his arms are the only thing telling me he’s alive and heard me. Pulsating they scatter. Branching they wind up from his hands, past his arms and biceps, and to his collarbone.
I reach for him again, but he shrugs me off and those nerves move snakelike. I fight not to wince at the callousness.
“You know even then, when I saw you down there among all those people I knew.” The words come from nothing. He’s talking about the party he’d had here at the beginning of the school year. “I knew I wanted you, knew you were different.”
He won’t look at me, but it doesn’t matter because he has all of my attention. My heart thrums against the convex bones of my chest.
Different. Again, so many things have changed since then.
“Same with Finn,” Cole snorts but it’s out of his own disgust with himself. Regardless my breath shallows out at the mention of his name. It’s not much, a name, but inches can be miles. They are when it comes to this.
Regret washes over him. His conviction earnest.
“Deep down I always had this inkling, a morsel… the smallest sliver of confidence that something was off.” Disbelief coats his every word. The rail rattles as his fist slams down. “Guess it makes sense why Lorna always insisted on so many playdates.” Saliva spews from his mouth like venom.
I reach for him again. This time he doesn’t push me away, letting my hand caress his cheek. Touch as soft as my tone. “You can’t blame yourself. It was out of your control. Wasn’t your secret to solve.”
“I should have known!” he challenges, so sure. Eyes ablaze with equal parts anger and sadness.
“You couldn’t have,” I match right back.
“My father did,” he snarls and my voice hitches as those hate-fueled words tumble out. “He ruins everything, Rory. He ruined my mom… ruined any hope I had at a somewhat normal existence, and now… he’s ruined Finn too.”
“And if you’d known, you think things would have been different? Easier?” If I sound resentful it’s because a part of me is. How can he not understand?
To see,realizeabsolutely nothing would have changed. They still would have grown close whether their DNA stated it, or otherwise.
How can Cole not figure out that he and Finn recognize each other in a way he and I never could? I was forced back into this world while they were raised to thrive inside its chaos.
“News flash, Iceman, nothing would have changed, and it shouldn’t now either,” I urge. My eyes ping-pong back and forth trying to make him understand.
Things happen the way they do for a reason.Badthings happen togoodpeople all the time. I am no exception. My pride no longer allows to believe otherwise.
“Getting knocked down is part of life. Remember? You don’t give up until you win.” My nostrils flare. “So win, Iceman.”
The corner of his mouth moves but I can’t tell if it’s a wince or an uplift.
“You’ll always love me, right? No matter what happens?”
“Of course,” I breathe. How can I not?
“Refuse to give up on me? Even if I am an ass most of the time?”
“I’ve come close… a few times,” I admit, and it earns me one more wrinkle smoothing out on his forehead. “But I haven’t yet, have I?”
Now his mouth does curve, in the one self-assured way only Cole can. “No. You haven’t,” he agrees.
My head automatically falls into his touch when his hands find either side of my cheeks.
“Even after everything I’ve put you through.” His eyes are now the ones searching, moving back and forth. A molten-like consistency setting in them as the moon reflects off the pupils.
Stunning.
“You’re telling me to win, but I already have.You, coming back was my win.”
My throat locks, bobbing. “If you’ve already won, then why are you so reluctant to talk to him?” Whispering only loud enough for him to hear.
