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The curls softened just as I hoped and the lighter strands that always appear with the warmer months have started to shine through my lighter brown hair. I smile, realizing I should have given Amanda more credit. My makeup is pretty in this lighting and makes the color of my green eyes pop.
From the dress to the makeup to the hair, and even to the stunning black shoes, I feel incredible, the best I’ve ever felt. Oddly, the most adult I’ve ever felt as well. Grown. I’ve grown so much over the past four years. I had to. The shock of Harbor exiting my life without notice gave me no room to back away from moving forward. I was already falling apart. I would continue to shatter until nothing remained of me, or I would follow through with my dreams.
It doesn’t matter that a part of me, a smaller part than I realized now when I’m looking back, went to medical school to spite him.
No.It only matters that I now have a prefix that I worked my butt off to earn. The M.D. at the end isn’t shabby either.Dr.Lark Summerlin,M.D.I feel good, like the clouds are finally starting to clear.
When I return to the hall, I find my spot just as we start walking. I should be excited, but my intuition begs for attention. This is a huge achievement, my dream come true, so why can’t I get this feeling of dread to subside? It’s probably the pain from my last graduation still haunting me. I need to brush it off. This is my second chance and a greater achievement.Enjoy it, Lark.
I find my seat and resist the urge to look around. I spent most of my college ceremony searching for Harbor instead of listening to the speeches. I’m going to make a concerted effort to live here in the present this time. I just wish I could shake this odd feeling.
Not the dread.
The sense that Harbor is near, his eyes on me, grazing the length of my body, or that the butterflies in my stomach just awoke after years of hibernating. I should hate him. He wouldn’t blame me. But instead, I find my thoughts of him, and what we used to be, have begun to mellow. That’s only natural. The mind plays tricks like that to help one cope with reality.
He’s thinking about me.
Still, after all these years.
Still, even after telling him to go away the last time he showed up here.
There’s a small seed of satisfaction trying to bloom inside my belly from the knowledge that he’s still thinking about me. At least the butterflies will have something to nibble on. If he weren’t, there wouldn’t be an ungodly expensive gift at my apartment still waiting for me to open.
Stop doing this. There’s nothing to gain from this exercise. The one thing I never allowed myself to delve into was the idea of revenge. It was an easier road to take some nights in my head, but it wouldn’t serve me well to travel it.
It wouldn’t change what happened.
It would have only changed me.
Curiosity is killing more than the cat, soI finally look around. Amanda waves at me, and my dad sits a little straighter. I don’t see anyone else I know. They’re probably just parents of other graduates, so I breathe easier now.
The ceremony begins, and although my intentions were good to focus on the speakers, my mind drifts to what comes next instead. More change and bigger moves have been made with each stage of my life. And I move farther from my dad. I look back, stealing a glimpse of him before he notices.
He’s always been a handsome man. He also doesn’t lack attention from the women of Beacon. He may not be rich like those who reside in The Pointe Estates, but he has a busy mechanic shop and grills a mean meal. He never really dated because he put his energy into being there for me and supporting my journey every step of the way.
John Summerlin would never say it, but I know it breaks his heart that I’m settling in the city. He understands because he’s my dad. One day, I’ll make his sacrifices worth it. I don’t know how, but I will. He deserves nothing less.
As for the residency in New York, I got the confirmation this week and scored a small studio a few blocks away from the hospital, subletting from a resident who didn’t get a job offer. I have no intention of letting that happen to me.
Two hours later, I walk across the stage and am introduced as a doctor. I shake the dean’s hand and then turn toward the audience knowing Amanda told me to pose for a photo. I grin under their cheers, embarrassment setting in from the attention.
I exit the stage and return to my seat. That feels relatively uneventful, and I’m not upset by it. I almost half expected to see Harbor seated in the audience, but there was no sign of him. I should be relieved, but my emotions are twisting, which leaves me more confused. I got what I wanted—a regular graduation ceremony.
I should be happy . . .
Everyone stands, filling the auditorium with cheers. I stand quickly and catch up to the reveling.I did it. This was the dream, my goal.
As the crowd disperses into the foyer and drains onto the surrounding sidewalks, I take off the robe because I’m feeling anxious and sit back down. Amanda and my dad are waiting on me outside, but my breath comes heavy in my chest as a myriad of feelings overwhelms me. I drop my head into my hands, closing my eyes, and just flow with the river of emotions inside me.
“Is it everything you ever hoped it would be?”
The dulcet tone that always fit night like a glove—seductive and deep.
His proximity wrapping around me like a blanket.
A warmth that seeps inside me that I know extends to the clarity of his brown eyes.
Harbor.
