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And every single day he had to remind himself that he was right not to go after Emily. That it was she who needed to know that if she returned it was because of her feelings, not his. And, he admitted to himself, he needed to know that too.
From downstairs he heard a smash and groaned, wondering what Diabla had managed to destroy now. Grabbing a towel and wrapping it around his waist, he was halfway to his wardrobe when he heard another crash.
It sent a spark of alarm through him as he cautiously made his way to the top of the stairs. There was definitely someone else in the house. Creeping down the stairs, the hairs on the back of his neck raised, he heard a thud coming from the sitting room.
Grabbing a long thin vase he’d never particularly liked, he raised it behind him, ready to defend himself and his house against whatever thief had mistakenly thought to steal from him. They could take the parrot, but everything else washis.
The first thing he noticed as he rounded the corner was that the two lurid fuchsia paintings had come down from the wall and that one was on the floor, the other missing. He frowned and glared at the parrot, until a noise behind him startled him into action.
As he turned, he swung his arm with the vase and—
Cristos!
Emily ducked just in time to avoid having the vase smashed over her head—a yelp of alarm pierced his ears and strangled his heart.
‘What the hell do you think you’re doing?’ he roared. ‘I could have killed you!’
She curled in on herself, crouched on the floor. ‘I’m sorry. I’m sorry.’
Javier’s heart pounded so hard he thought he might have a heart attack.
‘Are you okay?’ he demanded, fear coating his tongue with a thick salty bitterness.
She peered up at him and paled. ‘Are you?’
‘No, Emily. I amnotokay.’ He turned away, shaking his head, and put the vase on the floor, even though he wanted to smash it against the wall. That he could have hurt her in any way made him nauseous.
No, no, no, no,no. This wasnothow it was supposed to go! Emily stood on slightly shaky legs, guilty, awkward and upset. ‘I’m so sorry, I just... I wanted to... I wanted to put it back,’ she admitted morosely.
She’d wanted to undo all the damage she’d done before he’d come out of hospital. She’d managed to get one of the paintings in the small van she’d hired before Javier had appeared in the living room brandishing that vase she’d never liked much anyway.
Javier collapsed onto the awful banquette seating she’d put in nearly three months ago, wearing nothing but a towel, his hair still damp from the shower.
‘Why are you here? I thought you’d still be at work,’ she asked, getting her breath back.
‘Why?’ He frowned as if confused.
‘Gabi said...’ She trailed off as they both realised at the same time that Gabi had set them up.
Her heart beginning to settle from the fright, she went to sit beside him on the seat, her legs needing the support. Just at that moment Diabla launched herself onto her lap and started to pummel her, with claw sheathed paws. The purring and overexcited dribbling were more soothing to her heart than she could have imagined. Her hands swept around the small cat and she scooped Diabla into a hug, crooning adoring phrases and telling her how much she’d been missed.
She caught Javier looking at her with a raised brow and felt sheepish. Apologising, she put Diabla back down and turned to him.
‘I’m sorry.’
‘That’s okay,’ he said with a dismissive wave of his hand. ‘I know you didn’t mean to surprise me.’
He wouldn’t meet her eyes. ‘That’s not what I meant. I’msorry,’ she stressed, trying to catch his gaze.
He clenched his jaw, as if trying to ignore her. How much hurt she must have caused for him to do such a thing.
‘I went to see my mother,’ she said and waited for him to respond. Eventually he nodded and she took it as a sign to continue. ‘It was...’ she let out a small sad laugh ‘...exactly the same as it always is, but for one thing.’
She sensed that stillness that wasn’t stillness take over his body. He was listening closely, his attention on her in a way that she suddenly felt as love. Tears pressed against the backs of her eyes. How had it taken her so long to realise this?
‘I love you. I love you so much and not even that’s enough. You are nothing like Steven and I will never be like my mother. Because of you. Because you wouldn’t let me lose myself. You demand all of me whenever I can give it, but that requires me to be here. Not to lose myself like she did, and not to someone as unworthy as Steven. You are everything to me and I amnotless for it, butmore. I can’t believe that I didn’t see that before and I’m sorry that I didn’t.’
The words didn’t rush out of her, they slowly came, one after the other, so that Javier would know that she meant every single one of them. Because she wanted him to know, needed him to know how much she loved him.
