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I chewed on my cheek. “You didn’t…realize?”
He chuckled. “I noticedyou, not the dress, Elle. I wantedyou.”
“But—”
He placed his finger to my lips. “Wanting you has nothing to do with her.Nothing,” he said again.
I hated this conversation. I hated my doubts. I hated that Tessa was gone. And yet, selfishly, I knew I wouldn’t be with Tristan if she were still here. Which only made me feel worse.
He cupped my cheeks, wiping away my tears. I was a tangled-up mess of emotions when it came to this man. Guilt warred with desire. Longing clashed with obligation.
“Elle,” Tristan sighed gently. “Why would I compare the moon to the sun? They both shine at their own time and in their own way.”
“And when do I shine?” I sniffled. “Only when the sun goes down?”
“You—” he brought his finger beneath my chin, lifting my gaze to his “—my lovely moon, shine all the time. Even when the sun is out, you’re still in the sky, ever-present yet ever-changing. Watching over us.”
He drew in a shaky breath and continued. “You are the moon, guiding me out of darkness. Giving me light and hope. You brought me back to life, Elle.”
I…wow. I didn’t know what to say. My body flooded with warmth at his words, at the way he was looking at me.
Again, I almost got the impression that he loved me. But if he did, wouldn’t he have said it?
“Do you ever wonder what she’d think of this, us?” I asked. At this point, what did I have to lose? If I hadn’t already planned to move to Japan, my mother’s threats were proof that I should leave.
“I used to, sometimes.”
“And now?”
He let out a heavy sigh. “Part of me will always love Tessa. I can honor her memory, but I’ll never have those answers. So it doesn’t really matter.”
I rubbed my arms, surprised by how easy it was to listen to him talk about her in the past tense. To reconcile the idea of honoring her without being chained to her memory. I wasn’t sure when it had happened. And it certainly hadn’t been overnight, but we were both in a much better place than we’d been even months ago.
“I’m… Yeah. I feel that. I will always love my sister, and I will always talk about her with the kids. But there have been so many more days when the grief doesn’t feel as…I don’t know. Heavy.”
He nodded.
“I hate to admit this—” I dropped my head. “But I think my mom was right about one thing.” I took off my necklace and removed Tessa’s disk. I opened Tristan’s hand and placed it in his palm before closing his fingers around it. “This doesn’t belong to me.”
“But I gave it to you. I wanted you to have it.”
I shook my head. I’d given it a lot of thought—both since he’d given it to me and tonight. And it didn’t feel right to wear Tessa’s jewelry.
It wasn’t about what my mom had said; it was about how the charm made me feel. And while I might be living in Tessa’s house and sleeping with her husband, the disk felt like overstepping somehow.
“You should keep it for Savannah,” I said.
“El—”
I smiled but stood firm, refusing to take it back. Instead, I asked, “Are you worried that the kids are confused about us?” I hadn’t been until my mom had mentioned it tonight.
“Are you?” he asked. “You spend even more time with them than I do. Have they said anything to you?”
“No. Just that they wish I could stay. Though Maddox did mention hearing strange noises one night.” I bit back a smile, thinking of all the nights Tristan and I snuck around the house, trying to be quiet even as we drove each other wild.
“Hm.” He grinned. “Perhaps we should be more careful.”
“Do you think we should stop?” I asked, thinking about how I’d almost blurted out the truth to my mom just to spite her. Now I was glad I hadn’t. I’d never forgive myself if I jeopardized Tristan’s relationship with the kids.
