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He had to be. I knew how much the kids loved Rex. How much we all did. And I was worried about him.
“Can we search for him in the morning?” Savannah asked.
“Of course,” Tristan said. “Bennett and River already volunteered to come help.”
She seemed to relax a little at that.
For the rest of the evening, Tristan and I were focused on comforting the kids. I didn’t know if he blamed me, but I certainly blamed myself. I simultaneously dreaded alone time with him and longed for it.
We ordered pizza for dinner and watchedTrolls.Savannah sat next to me, and Maddox sat on Tristan’s lap. He’d come a long way over the summer. They both had. It made me feel better about leaving them, but also…incredibly sad.
When the credits started to roll, Tristan said, “It’s time to get ready for bed,” and herded them upstairs.
There was no question of who was doing bedtime; Tristan took over. I wondered if he was trying to punish me for what had happened. Or—more likely—trying to reassure himself that they were both okay.
While he read the kids stories, I took a shower to rinse off the stress of the day. My mother had left me a scathing voice mail, but I’d deleted it after the first few seconds. She didn’t have to tell me that I’d failed the kids; I knew.
When I returned downstairs, Tristan was sitting on the back patio. I wondered if he was waiting for me or if he wanted to be alone.
“Hey.” I pushed open the door.
“Hey.” He rubbed his face, and I could see the exhaustion in his features. I took one look at him and burst into tears.
“C’mere.” He scooted back in the chair and patted the space in front of him. “Come on.”
I tugged at the corners of my eyes and glanced around. “What if someone sees us?”
He reached behind him and flipped a switch. The lights went out, plunging us into darkness. “Better?”
He crooked his finger, beckoning me over, though my eyes were still adjusting to the darkness. I sighed and settled on the chair in front of him, his body molded to my back. He wrapped his arms around me and pressed his lips to my temple.
“I’m so—” I hiccupped around a sob. “Sorry.”
“I know. Iknow.” He held me even closer. “Shh.”
“I was distracted, and I should’ve been paying better attention. And…” I was rambling, my words nearly incoherent.
“Elle, these things happen. I know you would never do anything to endanger Maddox and Savannah.”
I shook my head. As much as I appreciated his understanding, I couldn’t forgive myself so easily.
“I’m serious, Elle. Everyone fucks up now and then.”
“You don’t,” I blurted.
“You’re kidding, right?” he asked. “I’ve fucked up plenty of things, especially this past year.” He smoothed his hands down my arms. “I’ve let Maddox and Savannah down more times than I care to admit. And I dropped the ball at work.”
I turned back to peer up at the sky. “I’m sure that’s understandable, given the circumstances. Plus, you’ve always been the AV’s golden boy.”
“I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life. And I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be the ‘golden boy’ or whatever if people knew the truth.” His lips grazed my cheek, his scruff tickling my skin.
My breath caught in my throat. “You mean the truth about us?”
“That and…” He paused, the air filled with tension. Did he regret us? If he didn’t now, would he come to with time? I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer.
“And what?” I asked.
He blew out a breath. “You know how I needed to secure an investor for Lockwood Industries?”
