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I draped my arm around Savannah, grateful when Maddox quieted and leaned his head against my shoulder. “Ellie still loves you. Ellie will always love you. And you can talk to her on FaceTime whenever you want.”
“But it’s not the same,” she wailed, and I tried to steer us toward the exit before we could make an even bigger scene than we already had.
“I know, sweetheart. I do. But this is how it has to be for now.”
“Why?” She stomped her feet, arms crossed over her chest. I was used to emotional outbursts from Maddox, not Savannah.
I unlocked the car and helped Maddox buckle in. Savannah stood with her feet rooted to the ground.
“Get in the car, Savannah.”
“No.” She scowled.
“Savannah.” I softened, knowing how much she was struggling. How much we all were. “Please.”
“No.” She dug in her heels. “I’m not going. Not without Ellie.”
I’d always known it would be difficult on the kids when Elle left, but I hadn’t prepared myself for quite this reaction.
“Sweetheart,” I said, my heart breaking for her—for all of us. “Ellie wanted to stay, but we have to let her go.”
I was telling my daughter that as much as myself.
I thought about what Elle would do, how she’d handle this situation. I stepped closer, crouching down to Savannah’s level. “You know that show you love—the one with the cute koalas?”
She sniffled. “Izzy’s Koala World?”
I nodded. “Yeah. That’s the one.” She and Maddox had been obsessed with the adventures of eleven-year-old Izzy and the koalas she and her family rescued on Magnetic Island in Australia.
“Yeah.” She sniffled.
“You know how Izzy and her parents rescue the koalas and take care of them and love them?”
“Mm-hmm.”
“But ultimately, they have to let the koalas go. They have to let them live their lives.”
Her shoulders slumped, the fight going out of her. She finally understood.
“The good news,” I continued, “is that we can call Ellie. And we didn’t have to paint her butt pink to find her in the future.”
Savannah snorted through her tears. “Very funny, Dad.”
From inside the car, Maddox started laughing. “You said ‘butt.’”
And then we all started laughing, and I tried to tell myself it would all be okay.
* * *
As soon aswe got home from the airport, I checked my phone, hoping for a text from Elle. I tried to imagine what she was doing.Howshe was doing.
For hours, I contemplated texting her to check in. But every time I picked up my phone or typed out a message, I talked myself out of it.
This was what she wanted.
I needed to let her go.
I fixed lunch for the kids and myself and tried to remain upbeat. But finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. The silence was breaking me. The house felt so empty without Rex and Elle, and I felt myself going back to that dark place. To how out of control and lost I’d felt after Tessa died.
