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“Okay. Okay.” He chuckled, though the tension remained.
He wrapped his arm around me, but the hug was short. Appropriate. I told myself it was for the best as I turned away and busied myself with my bag, swiping away a tear.
“Family hug!” Savannah said.
I forced myself to laugh, to pretend that everything was okay as I picked up Maddox. Savannah huddled between us, everyone squeezing hard. I closed my eyes and focused on the smell of Tristan’s cologne. On the feeling of being surrounded by love.
“You should get going,” Tristan finally said, releasing us.
His fingers brushed against mine. He locked his pinkie with mine, and his brown eyes held an unspoken universe of emotions. And then he nodded and released me, forcing a smile.
I nodded back, a knot growing in my stomach. This was it. It was time to say goodbye.
We walked to the security checkpoint, dread filling my steps and making it difficult to move.
“Let us know you made it safely,” Tristan said, shoving his hands into his pockets.
“I will,” I said, trying like crazy not to cry as I entered the line.
“Bye, Ellie.” Savannah waved at me as I neared the TSA agent.
“Please don’t go,” Maddox cried. “I don’t want her to go, Daddy. Please.” Tristan picked Maddox up and held him in his arms. “Please don’t let her go.”
A tear slipped out, and I was so tempted to run back to them. To tell them that I wouldn’t go. That I’d never leave.
“Next,” the TSA agent called.That’s me.
By that point, Maddox was full on sobbing. Savannah had started crying too. And Tristan’s jaw was locked tight.
I can’t do this. I can’t leave.
As if reading my mind, Tristan shook his head. So I forced a breath through my lungs. I handed the TSA agent my ticket and ID.
And then I was through. I glanced back one more time. It took everything in me to smile and hold it together. I waved and blew kisses and made silly faces, but it didn’t matter. My heart was breaking as I realized the enormity of everything I was leaving behind.
TWENTY-SEVEN
“I don’t want her to go,” Maddox wailed. I picked him up, but he was flailing in my arms.
Beside me, Savannah was barely holding it together. And I wasn’t faring much better.
“Shh.” I held him close. “Shh. It’s going to be okay. We will see Ellie again.”We had to.
“But I don’t want her to go,” he said, though it was difficult to make out the words with how upset he was.
“Neither do I, buddy.” I watched the other passengers go through security and wondered how Elle was doing.
“Then do something, Dad!” Savannah said.
I shook my head and peered down at her. “I can’t.”
“Why?” she pleaded, her eyes watery.
“Because…” I sighed.Because this is what Elle wants,I thought but didn’t say that. “Because Ellie worked really hard for this.”
“Yeah, but…what about us?”
I frowned. It was something I was trying to wrap my head around as well. But now that Elle was gone, there was no us. At least, not in the sense I wanted.
