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“Was it your dreams that changed, or you?” Sumner asked, always perceptive. It was part of what made her such a successful life coach.
I sighed, sinking deeper into the sofa. “I don’t know. Maybe a bit of both.”
“Change is inevitable,” Sumner said. “And it’s part of life, but it can feel unsettling.”
“Yes, but… I feel lost. I’m not even sure what I’m doing or what I want anymore.”
“Generally, or with Tristan?” Piper asked.
I knew what I wanted—Tristan. But I couldn’t have him. Not in any meaningful way. Not beyond this summer.
But the more time we spent together, the more I wanted. We touched every chance we got. We shared our deepest thoughts, and he was constantly on my mind. Yet I knew it wasn’t forever.
It wasn’t even a real relationship. We were sneaking around. And while I knew it was necessary, for the kids, part of me wondered if that was just an excuse. Wondered if I was accepting less than I deserved merely because I couldn’t fathom the thought of being without him.
“Ellie?” Piper asked gently.
I gulped down some champagne. “With everything, but especially with him. This was supposed to be Tessa’s life, not mine. I’m just pretending.”
“Pretending?” Piper asked.
“You know…” I sighed. “Playing house with Tristan and the kids when I could never match up to my sister.”
“Maybe you don’t need to,” Sumner said. “Maybe you can be yourself and that’s enough.”
I shook my head. “It’s not. It never has been.”
“Did Tristan say that?” Piper asked, her expression turning murderous. “Because I swear to god—”
“No.No.” I placed my hand on hers. Quite the opposite, in fact. He was always trying to get me to see the amazing woman he saw in me.“I just—ugh. Sometimes I can’t help but wonder if he’s comparing me to her. If he wishes Iwasher.”
He never acted like it. When I was with Tristan, I felt like the version of myself I wanted to be—confident, powerful, sexy. And yet, when we were apart, the doubts crept back in.
Sumner and Piper frowned at me, their eyes swimming with pity.
“Oh, Ellie,” Piper said, pulling me into a hug.
Finally, Sumner said, “I’m sure this summer has been a lot for you. Moving home so suddenly. Finishing school. Taking care of your niece and nephew. No one could blame you for seeking comfort from Tristan.”
“Yeah, but now it feels like so much more than that.”
Suddenly, everything was spilling out of me. My fears and worries about the kids, about Tristan. Even my concerns about what my sister would think of everything. It felt good to confess it all. And I kept talking, answering their questions, until my throat was scratchy and my tears had run dry.
“You love him,” Piper said softly.
I nodded, but her words only prompted a fresh wave of tears. I’d barely owned up to that myself, but I did love Tristan. “I do. I’m in love with him, but we can never be together.”
“Why not?” Sumner asked.
“I just can’t see a way for us to be together.” Admitting that aloud felt like taking my heart and putting it through a paper shredder.
After all, wasn’t I the one who’d told Tristan this didn’t have to be forever?
Piper smoothed a hand down my back while Sumner talked. “I once felt that way about my husband, Jonathan. He was my boss for the summer. My dad’s best friend.” She smirked. “Talk about obstacles.”
“But love always finds a way,” Piper said with a certainty I envied.
I wanted to believe it could be true, but… I shook my head. They didn’t understand. Sumner’s situation was different. “I don’t think it’s love. At least, not for Tristan.”
