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Was he just someone to keep her company?
It was hard to believe that a woman would ever want to be with him after he had killed his own child.
“No one has ever made me feel safe like you do,” Samara said. Her arms circled his waist, and she pressed her ear to his chest, right over his heart.
He ran his fingers through her thick dark hair. “These feelings might be new to you, but they're not to me. I've loved you for a long time now. You have a lot going on right now, maybe what you think you’re feeling is just reflecting back what you see in me and not what's really in your heart.” Hurting her was the last thing he wanted to do, but he had to be sure. He had to know that it wasn't her fear speaking but that these feelings she said she had come from a real place. Losing his daughter and battling his addiction were the hardest things he had ever had to do, and he didn't think he could go through either again. He couldn’t lose Samara. If he did, he would turn straight back to the bottle, only this time, he didn't think he’d have the strength to beat the addiction that wanted to claim him.
Samara’s grip on him tightened, and when she spoke, she didn't sound angry or hurt. “Don’t be afraid, Michael. Please. I’m scared too. This is hard. For both of us. We’re both messed up inside, it’s what drew us together, we get each other, it’s what makes us such good friends. I’m so scared of what the stalker will do, to me, to all those innocent people out there that he decides to go after. But I don’t want to be scared of this, of what’s between us. This could be the easiest thing in the world if we don’t fight it, if we don’t dwell on all the reasons why we think it won't work, or why we don’t deserve to have it work. It’s happening, Mike.” She turned her face into his chest. “This is happening whether we like it or not. We’re falling in love.”
When she said it, it sounded so simple.
Lay everything else aside and just feel.
It was the problem for people like them who lived in their heads, who overthought and overanalyzed everything. It was hard sometimes to just let go and go with what you felt.
But Sawyer was right. Heidi would want him to go after what made him happy.
And Samara was right, this was happening. They shouldn’t fight it.
Michael scooped her up into his arms, cradling her like she was the most precious thing in the world because she was.
Without letting his brain talk him out of it, he let his lips do what came naturally: to find Samara’s and kiss her like she was the only thing that existed.
Just the two of them.
She’d asked him to take her upstairs, so that was what he was going to do.
He didn't stop kissing her as he carried her inside and up the stairs. Heading straight for Samara’s bedroom, he laid her out on the bed, then took a moment just to look at her. Bruises aside, she was stunning. He loved her eyes, they were a gorgeous shadeof summer sky blue, but it wasn't the color that he loved, it was what was inside them. It was the haunted gleam that she tried to hide but that he saw as clearly as he saw that her eyes were blue. It was what had drawn him to her the first day they had met. He had known from that moment that he wanted to do whatever it took to one day wipe it away. He wanted her to be happy, he wanted her to be able to let go of the past so she could have a future, and he loved that she wanted the same thing for him.
“Is something wrong?” Samara asked uncertainly.
“No, not wrong, perfect, everything is perfect.”
“Then why are you just staring at me?”
“Because I want to savor every second of this. Every second ofyou.” Almost reverently, he reached out and traced his fingertips down her cheek. Her skin was so soft, he wanted to devour every single inch of it with his fingers and his tongue.
“The more you stare at me like that, the more I want you,” Samara said breathily.
He laughed, and the last of the tension and fear that had been inside him vanished. This was what he wanted, Samara was what he wanted, and he could have her. The only thing standing between him and happiness was himself. Did he really want to let this slip through his fingers?
No.
He didn't.
He might still think he was responsible for Heidi’s death, but this wasn’t just about him. Samara needed him, even better, she wanted him. If he threw this away then he would be hurting her.
That was something he couldn’t do.
He unzipped her hoodie, revealing a simple white bra and a flat stomach that he couldn’t help but touch. They worked out together in the gym most nights after work, so it wasn't like he hadn't seen her stomach before, but somehow he’d never seen her like this. It was like seeing her in a whole new light.
“You’re stunning,” he said, more to himself than to Samara. Her pale skin with her dark hair and bright blue eyes was a gorgeous combination, and he could hardly believe that someone this beautiful was letting him touch her, and kiss her, and make love to her.
“You’re pretty stunning yourself, or you would be if you would hurry up,” she said wryly, moving restlessly beneath him.
Michael laughed again and climbed onto the bed kneeling over her. “I never knew you were so impatient.”
“Only when it’s something I really want,” she said, reaching up to undo his pants.
