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“Cookies for everyone, delivered by airplane,” Michael called out as he came through the door with Noelle in one arm and Asher in the other. Both children held a paper plate of cookies in their hands, and both were laughing delightedly.
Samara couldn’t help but smile. Michael was so good with kids, he must have been an amazing father to Heidi, and one day he might be an amazing father again to their children. This could be them a couple of years from now, sitting in their home, playing with their children. She wanted to give her children a real home, a home like she had never had with a family that was always there for them, that wasn't going to walk away. She never wanted her children to experience the pain of being unwanted, and she prayed that she never felt that pain again.
*****
11:48 A.M.
“I better get these guys home for lunch,” Hannah said.
“Okay,” Samara said, trying to hide her disappointment. She’d had fun playing with Asher and Noelle. The toddlers were so bubbly and full of energy and curious about life that even the couple of tantrums they’d thrown hadn't made their time any less fun. They’d read books, and Michael had shown them all how to make goop from corn flour and water, and the kids had loved it. It had made a huge mess all over her kitchen floor, butshe didn't care, the smiles of delight on the children’s faces more than made up for it. Messes could be cleaned, but moments like this were gone before you even realized it.
“Aunt Sami?” Asher tugged at her skirt.
“Yeah?”
“No Cwismas twee,” he said, looking confused.
“You're right,” she said, picking him up. “I don’t have a Christmas tree.”
“Why?” Noelle asked, trying to climb up onto the couch beside her.
Samara picked Noelle up and held both toddlers on her lap. “Well, I guess I never thought Christmas was any fun because I never really had anyone to celebrate it with me.”
“Why?” Asher asked.
“You guys and your whys.” She laughed, not wanting to ruin her good mood with thoughts of her depressing childhood. And who knows, maybe those days were behind her now. Maybe now that she had Michael, Christmas wouldn’t be so bad.
Samara looked up to see Michael watching her with a smile on his handsome face. Maybe everything would be better now that she had him.
“Okay, you two, say goodbye,” Hannah instructed.
“Bye-bye,” Asher crooned obediently, kissing her cheek with his sticky lips.
“Bye-bye,” Noelle echoed, kissing her other cheek.
“Bye,” she said, kissing the tops of both little heads. “Here you go,” she said, handing Noelle to her mother. She took the coat Hannah handed her, slipped it onto Asher, then put on his beanie and mittens. “All dressed for the cold,” she said when she was done, setting him on his feet.
“Love you,” Asher said, wrapping a little arm around her leg and squeezing.
“I love you too, buddy.” Samara felt tears pricking the backsof her eyes. She had spent so long pretending that she was okay with being alone and it was so nice to admit the truth to herself and others. She loved her brother’s son, she always had, but somehow what she felt for him today was so much stronger than it had been before.
“Come on, you two, let’s get you in the car.” Hannah balanced her daughter on one hip, the baby bag over the other shoulder, and took Asher’s hand with her free one.
“Want some help?” Michael asked.
“Sure, if you don’t mind,” Hannah said gratefully.
“Not at all, come here, little man.” Michael scooped Asher up, and Samara followed them all to the front door. “Stay in here,” Michael instructed. “Just in case he’s out there somewhere watching the house.”
She nodded and stood in the doorway as Michael and Hannah walked to the car in the driveway and strapped the kids into their car seats. Even though it was only lunchtime it was dull out, another gray and overcast day, more snow was fluttering through the air adding to the foot or so that already blanketed the world. All the other houses in her block had Christmas trees visible through front windows. Bright displays of Santas in sleighs, reindeer, snowmen, penguins, and polar bears decorated front lawns, and fairy lights outlined houses and their windows and front porches.
The whole world was Christmassy it seemed.
Logically, Samara knew that wasn't true, she wasn't the only person who didn't like Christmas. There were those who couldn’t afford to celebrate and those who didn't want to for whatever reasons, but around here, it seemed like everyone had dressed up themselves, their children, and their homes for the holidays except her.
Was it too late to decorate?
At least put up a tree or something?
