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“I do, I do,” the toddlers jumped up and down.
“That okay?” Michael asked Hannah.
“Sure, I don’t think sugar could get them any more excited than they already are.”
“Call out if you need anything,” Michael told her, leaning over to give her a quick kiss before taking the kids into the kitchen.
Samara felt her cheeks heat. She hadn't known that they were telling people that they were together, but apparently, they were. They really needed to sit down later and talk some things through so that they were on the same page.
“So, you guys are finally together?” Hannah asked with asmile when Michael, Noelle, and Asher disappeared through the door.
“I guess so.” She smiled back.
“About time.”
It seemed like everyone had known that she and Michael belonged together except her and Michael. “It’s weird, it feels so right now, but I never really thought about there being anything other than friendship between us, not until all of this happened. I guess looking back I always knew it, but I just never acknowledged it. We both had a lot to lose taking that step from being friends to being a couple.”
“You both also have a lot to gain.”
That was true.
Now that they had laid their fears aside, they both had a chance to be happy. Really and truly happy.
There was just something Samara was still unsure about.
“Can I ask you something?” she asked Hannah.
“Sure.” Hannah smiled, but from the look in her eyes, she knew it was going to be a question she wouldn’t like.
“Let’s sit.” Samara gestured to the couches. Once they were both sitting, she looked awkwardly at Hannah. She didn't really think she had any right to ask, but she had to know. “I know about what happened to you two. Was that why you and Tom got divorced?”
“Yeah, it was,” Hannah said quietly. “I felt like a victim, and I felt like Tom saw me as a victim who needed saving.”
“Because you were …” she paused, not even liking to think the word let alone say it, “raped?”
Hannah nodded. “Tom thought he should have been able to stop it from happening, but I just wanted to find a way to move on.”
That was exactly how she felt.
What had happened to her had controlled her for longenough, now she wanted to put it behind her.
“How did you move on?” Samara asked.
“At first, I put all my focus on to work, building up my store. I thought if I kept busy and never thought about it, it would help me forget about what happened. And I guess in a way it did. But really, I was just existing. I wasn't really living, I wasn't happy, I wasn't moving on I was just trying to pretend that it had never happened. When Tom came back into my life, and we got remarried, that was when I finally was able to let it go. Not completely, I know that it’s not something you ever get over, but Tom makes me happy, and I had to decide that that was what I wanted. I had to decide that I wasn't going to let being a rape victim define me. It’s not easy, I still think about it sometimes, and occasionally I have nightmares, but every time I kiss my husband, or hold my daughter in my arms, or put my hand on my stomach and think of the baby that’s growing there, I’m able to put my rape in the background and my family and my future in the front.”
“Without Tom and your family do you think you would have been able to move on as you have?”
“Yes, but it would have been different. For me having Tom there made it easier. He lived through that nightmare with me, and having his support was what I needed, but I also like to think I would have gotten to where I wanted to be on my own too, it just might have taken me a little longer. Life is hard sometimes, what happened to me was horrific. I’m guessing whatever happened to you was as well, but you still have a lot ahead of you if you don’t fight it. Michael loves you, and you can have everything you’ve ever wanted with him.”
Hannah was right.
Nothing could change what her grandfather had done to her, and nothing could erase it, but if she wanted to be happy she could be, she just had to give herself permission.
“I’m not quite ready to talk about what happened to me yet, and I know I haven’t really said much of anything, but still I’d appreciate it if you didn’t say anything to anyone,” she said to Hannah. She didn't want Fin finding out.
“Of course.” Hannah reached over and squeezed her hand. “I’m sorry about whatever you went through, but I’m glad you're in a place where you’re able to start putting it behind you.”
“Thanks.”
