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“I picked up some potato salad from the restaurant before I left. It was on special today and I had it last time it was made. It’s really good.”
She laughed. “That works.”
When he came back into the kitchen, she had the dishes down and the patties on another one. “I’m in the mood for a beer tonight. What do you think? It will go down well on the patio while you cook.”
“I think you’re right,” he said, going to the fridge to get them.
When the two of them were sitting outside, she said, “Can I ask you something?”
“Anything,” he said.
“Why did you ask me to stay tonight?”
He lifted an eyebrow at her. “Since you came in empty handed I’m going to assume you’re not staying.”
“Depends,” she said. “I’m not sure the reason you asked me all of a sudden with my sister around.”
Shit. It never occurred to him that she might think he was put on the spot to do it. “It has nothing to do with your sister bringing it up.”
“Okay,” she said. “Convince me.”
“I can do that. The honest truth is, I’m awkward. I was going to ask you the second weekend we were together and you hadn’t brought it up once and I told myself that maybe you weren’t ready. That I was pushing and it’d be uncomfortable and I didn’t want that to happen.”
“I’d told you I’d say yes if you asked,” she pointed out.
He sighed. “I know. But then I worried you only said that because you were on the spot.” He stopped talking to put the burgers on the grill. “I know I’m coming off like a wuss right now. Someone that can’t make a decision or is wishy washy.”
“No,” she said. “I get it. This is hard for you.”
“Yes and no. I think I’m making it harder than it should be. Then I tell myself all these things I’m feeling and doing and saying, I would have done with anyone the first time.”
“Meaning the first time after Noelle?” she asked.
“Yes.” He sat back down and got his beer and took a sip. “It’s been two years. It was going to happen with someone. It’s happening with you. The problem is, I’m afraid of messing this up or making a mistake. I didn’t think I’d be that way when I was ready to start again.”
More like he didn’t think he’d find someone that he was terrified he’d lose.
When the time came he was ready to start, he figured he’d go through a lot of bad dates before he got to someone he was happy with.
Then he had to remind himself, he did go on some dates.
But he didn’t try with them.
Neither his head nor his heart was in it.
This time both were fully invested and it was time he got serious with it.
“I’m not sure why you wouldn’t be. You sound like a perfectionist to me,” she said.
He snorted. “I guess you’re right. If I messed this up, I’m sorry. I should have brought it up the following weekend and I didn’t. Then the longer it took me to do it, the more I worried it was getting awkward. When your sister said what she did, I thought, phew, there it is, we can just move on.”
She smirked at him. “Really? I mean you’re convincing me. Don’t get me wrong. It’s just I can’t see you saying ‘phew’.”
“Okay. Maybe I didn’t say that. But I thought it. Did I convince you?”
“You did,” she said. “My bag is in my car.”
“Phew,” he said and she laughed.
