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I look her over from head to toe, ignoring the ache in my chest that begs me to close the gap between us and pull her close.
"Someone… like… you?"
"Don't toy with me, Kirill," she snaps, though her voice falters at the very end. "I know why, even after all these years, I'm the one in a maid's uniform and you're the one wearing a watch that would pay my rent for the rest of my life."
"That just proves you need to move to a nicer place. This watch should get you six months’ rent at most."
"That," she seethes, jabbing a finger at me. "That shit. That’s why we’ll never work. I'm not good enough for you. I've never been good enough for you. Five years ago, you almost asked me to come back to New York City with you. Do you remember? Because I do." She laughs bitterly. "For a second, I thought you wanted me. But then the kicker came. You just wanted me to continue being your maid."
Of course I remember. I’d been desperate at the time for any reason to keep her close. For any excuse to have more time with her.
"Now, here we are five years later.” She shrugs. "What has really changed?"
"Well, you're still the most stubborn woman I've ever met, so that's the same."
She gives me a nasty smirk. "Are you trying to sweet talk me?"
Frustration mounts inside of me, pressing against the seams of my cool exterior. I swallow it down. "You still can't ask for help even when you desperately need it."
"Okay. I’m still a charity case. Noted. Continue."
I'm surprised I'm not whistling like a kettle at this point, the pressure in me forcing out through the cracks.
"You still overestimate your own knowledge and abilities, so no change there."
She's ticking things off on her fingers now. "A stubborn, stupid charity case. Anything else?"
There’s snark in her tone, but I can see in her eyes that she believes what she’s saying. How can I convince her she’s worthy when she’s her own worst enemy?
There’s only one answer.
With the truth.
Before I can stop myself, my hands do what they’ve been longing to do since the moment I closed my office door. They wrap around Rayne’s waist, hauling her against my body.
She yelps in surprise, but before she can get her bearings, I spin and press her back against the wall. She’s caged between the wall and my body and her skin on mine is like a release valve for the steam building inside of me.
In a rush, it all comes pouring out.
“The other thing that hasn’t changed even a single iota since we met five years ago,” I say, my voice a harsh whisper in the minimal space between us, “is that I’m just as in love with you now as I was then.”
Rayne is too shocked to breathe. She doesn’t gasp or sag in disbelief. She’s just frozen. Her wide blue eyes gaze up at me as a blush spreads over her cheeks.
I reach up and brush my thumb across her delicate bone structure. “You’re not a maid,” I tell her. “Or a mistress. You’re not just the woman I accidentally knocked up. You’re more than that, Rayne. You’ve always been more than that.”
I can feel myself slowing down, the admission using up all of my reserves of emotional clarity. I’ve come this far, though, so I might as well power through.
“You are the mother of my child.” I grab her dipping chin and lift her eyes back to mine. “You are the woman I love. I love you, Rayne. I fucking love you.”
She blinks, and I can practically see the words bouncing off the force field around her. I’m not sure anything I’m saying will penetrate. That would be par for the course with Rayne.
“You haven’t made it easy for a single second,” I continue. “But that doesn’t change a thing. I love you even though it tears me up inside. Even though I stayed away for years and got engaged to a woman I couldn’t fucking stand. The entire time, I loved you. I loved you then, I love you now, and despite the fact that it has made my life damn near impossible for five years running, I don’t think the feeling is going anywhere.”
I finish, and finally, Rayne blows out a breath.
She doesn’t respond. Doesn’t react. Just exhales and continues staring at me.
And just like that, the window of hope slams shut. Hope for us, for a future, for a different path than the one I was given. It’s closed. No going back.
