AllFreeNovel
Share Us
The moment has come and gone, and I’m not going to stand here and be gawked at like a creature in a cage. I pull my arms from around her waist and step away.
For a second, she wobbles, surprised by the lack of me. I feel that impulse, too. To reach out again and press our bodies together. Touching her has always felt more like my natural state than just about anything else.
Just as she rights herself, I turn and leave.
“Remember my rules,” I call coldly over my shoulder. “I’ll see you tonight.”
48
RAYNE
I repeat the words to myself again and again, but they don’t take. It’s like a damp match that refuses to light no matter how many times you strike it.
I love you.
I fucking love you.
I loved you then. I love you now.
“No,” I breathe, shaking my head as I climb out of my car and grab my purse. “No, he doesn’t. He doesn’t love me. He—He’s confused.”
I try to imagine a world where Kirill is uncertain about what he feels, and I literally cannot drum it up. He’s always confident and utterly positive he’s right. As much as I wish it wasn’t true, he usually is.
I stumble out of his house in a daze. I’m halfway to Yuliana’s school for pickup when Natalia texts and reminds me that she got Yuliana today since she had the day off. Dumbly, numbly, I turn around and put all my energy towards obeying traffic laws. Even that is a struggle.
Natalia meets me on the front porch when I get home twenty minutes late.
“There you are,” she says, pulling me into a brief hug and then spinning around me to step back off the porch. “Sorry I can’t chat. I got a call from Sonya that Leonid Kozlov is hiring for his event tonight. Are you doing that?”
“Yeah,” I manage, my brain jostling for control of my body. “Yeah, I’ll be there. I was going to ask you to watch Yuli.”
I see the way out of this like a flashing neon sign in front of me.My babysitting fell through. Sorry, I can't make it.
That's it. I’ll cancel. On one hand, it would feel like Kirill won. Like I chickened out and couldn’t show up.
On the other, I could hide and try to sort out how I feel about his admission.
He loves me.He loves me.
I shake my head, brushing away the ceaseless internal monologue.
“I already called the babysitter we used for our girls’ night,” Natalia says. “I hope that's okay. You’re going to make way more tonight than she’ll cost, so I figured it was worth it for you.”
“Oh.” I should be so grateful for her thoughtfulness, but there is no sigh of relief today. Just another weight draped across my shoulders.
Natalia is usually hyper-aware of my moods. I can’t even PMS in peace with her around.Are you about to start your cycle? You are jumping down my throat over nothing,she says at the midpoint of every month.Also, you have a pimple on your chin.
Today, though, she’s so focused on getting out the door and to her car that she barely looks at me. “You’re welcome. Don’t even mention it! Now, I have to go find something to wear."
"Black pants and button downs, right? The usual?"
"He wants us in cocktail dresses!" she shrieks. "Can you believe it? Finally, an event where I don’t have to wear polyester pants. The gods have smiled on all the hours I’ve spent on the stairmaster at the gym. Those rich a-holes won't know what hit them. See you tonight!”
Natalia is pulling away from the curb before I even get inside. As soon as I do, Yuliana is there to wrap her little arms around my legs.
“Auntie Nat and I found you a beautiful dress!” she squeals, vibrating with excitement. “She let me play in your closet. Don’t worry, I didn’t get yogurt on anything.”
I drop my bag and pull my girl in for a proper hug. Seeing her does more than anything else to clear the fog inside my head. “Why does that make me think you did get yogurt on something?”
