AllFreeNovel
Share Us
The gleaming sun reflects off the glossy black surface of my car. It’s freshly waxed and polished, and I can see my face looking back at me along the curve of the hood. I can’t help it when my hand runs along the smooth surface, knowing that I’ll probably leave fingerprints, but my baby has never looked this good.
After I left Shana’s office, I went home and dug deep to find the right words. The words that embodied how Ellie had become a constant in my life and how she was to remain a permanent fixture. But most importantly, I wanted to capture what it meant for me to find someone that I loved when I didn’t think I deserved it. I want Ellie to know that. That I’ve finally come to terms with understanding my worth, and I’m finally willing to love her without condition. Everything else, I’m leaving to fate. I’m letting the world decide how to accept the proclamation that I make very public. I’m risking it all.
For now, I put all of those emotions on pause as I shift into “celebrity” Rhylan Matthews.
My drive to Irwindale Speedway was uneventful as I drove carefully to maintain the newly speckless condition of my car. I’m standing on a rolled-out royal blue carpet on the asphalt that extends into a large oval. Hundreds of guests and attendees fill the stadium-style seats lining one side of the track as a small procession of children make their way to the cars neatly parked near the carpet where I stand.
While the show of cars is a vision that I have trouble peeling my eyes away from, the real stars of the show are the children. Rosy and optimistic, their smiles radiate as they wave at the cameras and stand to be photographed with myself and other stars that have made an appearance for the event.
“Are you really Rhylan Matthews?” A little girl peers up at me, a denim baseball cap sitting on her too-small face to shield her from the bright sun. I kneel down, getting at eye level with her, and grin.
“I sure am,” I answer, my hand coming up to pat her shoulder. “And what’s your name?”
“Jessica,” she answers shyly.
“It’s very nice to meet you, Jessica.”
Another child, much older but still carrying the innocence of youth, steps closer to be next to say hi.
“Are you going to marry that girl?” she asks boldly and eagerly. “That girl that you posted on Instagram about? She’s so pretty.”
I lower my head, bashful. I can’t help the gratification radiating from my heart. They saw and accepted Ellie and me for who we are. Two people deeply in love and ready for the world to know how we felt about each other.
“I sure hope so,” I answer, chuckling with hope bubbling inside my gut, fear the last thing I feel knowing what I said to be true.
“I hope so too,” she responds. They both smile as the younger one clings to the older one before scurrying off.
* * *
With my cheeks aching from the constant smiles and my heart full from the continued words of support, I’m ready to leave. To find Ellie and let her know that I did what I did to show her that there is nothing in this world that will keep me from her. Even if it took this long to realize it, I’m going to do everything in my power to let her know this.
I’m in my car, inching towards the exit as the line of cars is directed and funneled to a narrow archway. My fingers drum against my steering wheel as I become restless, which makes the line feel longer. I fidget with my stereo, punching at the buttons and ejecting the tape in the deck when I decide slow jams aren’t what I want to listen to right now.
I lift the lid to the center console, flicking through the file-like organized display of cassette tapes. My car isn’t moving, and when I realize that I’ve been searching for the right songs to elevate my mood rather than paying attention to the cars in front of me, there’s a large gap in between myself and the car in front of me.
Then I hear the screeching of tires before I see the flash of red hurtling towards me. Wheels spin as smoke kicks from behind the cherry-colored Mustang facing my driver’s side. My body seizes, frozen solid in place. There’s nothing I can do but brace myself.
When faced with death, you’re usually told that you see your life flash before your eyes. Large eight-by-ten glossy images of your childhood playing in PowerPoint form as death stares you straight on. At that moment, I see Ellie. I see her delicate fingers trace my face, her silky hair blowing in the wind, her amber-colored eyes surrounded by dark rings that blend with her rounding pupils as she peers up at me. She is my life. And every detail about her flashes before my eyes as I prepare to say goodbye.
And everything goes black.
FORTY-NINE
ELLIE
“There’s too many choices,” Claire huffs, blowing a loose strand of hair off her forehead. She tosses the magazine she was studying onto her coffee table, the image of the slender model wearing a beautiful cream-colored, A-line gown staring at Claire as if taunting her. “I can’t decide if I want a ball gown, an A-line, or a mermaid dress… or a damn clown suit.”
I reach for one of the dozen magazines that have been neatly piled on the floor next to her foot, leisurely flipping through the pages of tuxedos, table centerpieces, and veils. “This one’s pretty,” I offer as I show her a new dress, fluffy with tulle and lace.
She waves her hand at me, not even looking in my direction. “I’m going to tell Wes we should just drive to Vegas and elope.” She grunts, her toes gently nudging away the magazines as if she could just as easily push away the daunting task of planning a wedding.
“I think your parents would literally kill you if you did that.”
She scoffs, annoyed by the truth she can’t deny. Her parents, especially her mom, would never let Claire stop hearing about how they didn’t get to see their only daughter walk down the aisle wearing a beautiful wedding dress surrounded by two hundred plus guests in a church filled with white roses and lilies. Their vision for Claire’s wedding is almost as scary as Claire’s inability to decide a single concrete detail of her and Wes’s big day.
When she brings her phone in front of her face, her fingers scrolling and mindlessly entertaining her while providing her a much-needed distraction, I reach for the TV remote. We spent the last hour trying to nudge Claire into finding the right dress for her while using the voice of Ina Garten cooking saffron risotto with butternut squash as background noise. I’m thoroughly hungry without an ounce of energy to cook a meal like Ina has perfected, so I opt for changing the channel while tunneling my hand into a half-empty can of Pringles.
Rhylan has been honorable in my request for time. He texts occasionally with a quick good morning or good night greeting, but other than that, I’ve had some time to be alone with what all of this means. I don’t know what the future holds for us, whether or not I’ll be able to love him without worrying about all the what-ifs, but I’m thankful that he’s giving me the space that I need so that I don’t feel like I’m being surrounded by his thoughts instead of my own.
