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“So, I guess we should get you some food. Shut that stomach up,” I tease.
She laughs, and I close the door. When I round the back of my car, I look once more towards the back of the lot. Nothing. There are the same dark shadows that were there a minute ago. No ruffling of bushes, no shifty figures hiding behind them.
It was just my imagination.
Once I’m settled into my seat, I buckle in and start the car.
“Where are we going?” Ellie asks.
“It’s a surprise.” I turn to wink at her.
“You are just full of surprises today.” She sits back and folds her hands in her lap.
We drive, and I turn on the stereo, the tape deck coming to life and the orange backlight marking the buttons.
“I still can’t believe you have a cassette player in your car. I swear, I thought they outlawed those years ago.”
I laugh. “It came with the car and was one of the only things that still worked, so I kept it. I guess I’ll replace it if it goes out, but it hasn’t steered me wrong yet.”
I reach into the center console and pull out a cassette tape, holding it in the air between us. My eyes flit to her as she watches me.
“But it’s a pain in the ass to get a hold of one of these babies.”
I point the tape in the direction of the tape player. It sucks in the cassette, making clicking noises as it reads the plastic film wrapped around the spools, whirring as it takes position in the dash. I press a few more buttons and turn the dial so the volume is higher, and slow R&B music starts to filter through the speakers.
“I haven’t heard music like this since my dad was alive,” she says softly. “He had a soft spot for slow jams.”
“Ah, your dad and I would’ve had a lot in common.”
She smiles sweetly, blinking as she stares down at her lap. I look back at the road, knowing that the memory of her father makes her sad, reminiscent of a past that she once loved.
“Do you miss him?”
She turns to look at me, sadness covering her eyes. “Every day.”
I nod. I can’t tell her I understand. I’ve never lost someone so close to me. My parents are still alive and healthy, but I know that if anything happened to either one of them, I would be devastated.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “I didn’t mean to bring him up.”
She shakes her head and places her hand on my arm resting on the gear shift. “No, it’s okay. I hate acting like he never existed just because talking about him hurts. He wouldn’t have wanted that. He would have wanted me to talk about him every day and laugh remembering how amazing he was.”
I reach for her hand and bring it to my lips again, then move the back of her hand to my cheek and caress it against the stubble that has grown in since I shaved this morning. “You can talk to me about him whenever you want.”
We pull into the small parking lot of a pizzeria after a slew of left and right turns, driving to the restaurant by memory. Best New York-style pizza on the West Coast, according to the large neon sign hanging off their glass entrance. I have to say, they aren’t wrong. I’ve tried a handful of pizzas locally, and this mom-and-pop shop is the best I’ve had.
I park in a spot at the end of the lot, facing the busy street. We both simultaneously exit, the doors closing in unison. With a light hop in our steps, we walk into the pizza parlor to the inviting scent of floury dough and marinara sauce. In the dark parking lot, I was able to go about unnoticed, hold Ellie’s hand and laugh with her without a second thought. But now, under the bright fluorescent lights, I feel the stares.
“I’ll have a large cheese pizza,” I say confidently to the cashier behind the register.
“Just cheese?” Ellie asks with skepticism, standing close next to me.
“Trust me.” I wink at her just as I notice the clicking of phones around me, patrons attempting to be discreet as they snap candid images of me. I duck my head down, facing the counter once again. I pay for the pizza as it’s being handed to me, and we both turn towards the door when the first person approaches us.
“Can we get a picture?” Two women, eyes round and twinkling in awe, look up at me, waiting for my answer.
“Uh, yeah. Sure.”
I lean down, the phone turning in one of their hands. My face shows on the screen, the smile quick and fake. As soon as I hear the click go off, I stand straight, my smile shifting into a polite nod. I can see that behind them, there are more people that have gathered, waiting for their own chance to take a picture with me.
