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I give him an appreciative squeeze on his forearm and continue to drink my milkshake. Just on cue, the game starts up again, and the attention is shifted back to the TV.
The game continues into overtime, just like Wes predicted. I spend the rest of the evening bent over in my seat, trying to distract myself from the fresh memories of Rhylan that have resurfaced. He’s everywhere. If not swirling in the mixture of ice cream and strawberries sitting right in front of me, then plastered over a big screen, his serious eyes singling me out.
Claire and I become weary. Our seats, after we’ve sat for so long, have become uncomfortable, and we’ve eaten all the food we could possibly consume in one sitting. Nonetheless, we wait for the game to finish as we patiently sit with our chins resting in our hands and elbows digging into the tabletop.
I mindlessly reach for my phone in my purse, something to keep my hands busy as Claire is already doing the same. When I turn my phone in my hand, I notice a missed call.
It’s from Rhylan.
I freeze. He called me. I expected to never hear from him again.
I don’t want to see you anymore.
His words echo through my head, and a fresh wave of heartache hits my chest. I physically cower.
“Ellie? Is everything okay?” Claire asks. She sees my phone lit up in my hand, the alert for a missed call glaring in the low light of the bar. “Did someone call you?”
I retract my hand and shove my phone into my pocket.
“It’s no one.” But I can’t look at her. I know if I meet her eyes, I’ll start crying. I’ll sob Rhylan’s name to her, begging for her to tell me what to do.
I want to hear his voice, to call him back just to hear him say my name or even a quick, breathy “hello.” I crave his soft whispers muffled against my hair, calling my name as if he’d just discovered a sacred meaning to it.My Eleanor.
The game finishes with a devastating loss for the Lakers. Both boys, frustrated and disappointed, finally suggest we leave. We exit the bar, welcoming the fresh spring air. Everyone is content, stomachs full and spirits light.
Everyone except for me. My mind is a million miles away, right next to that call from Rhylan. I check my phone again and see that he left a voicemail. What can he possibly have to say to me?
“Hey, babe. I’m going to ride with Ellie. Just to make sure she gets home safe,” Claire calls out to Wes on our way out, even though she was the one that consumed three plus beers in comparison to my sodas and milkshake.
Austin and Wes are in deep conversation about sports trivia, animated as they gesture wildly with their hands. Claire and I watch as they continue to act as if we’re no longer there.
“Sure. We’re going to Austin’s. They’re playing some highlight reels, so I’ll hang out for a bit,” Wes answers.
“Okay,” Claire replies. She turns and laughs at the quick comradery they’ve developed. I respond with a smile and turn towards the parking lot.
“Bye, boys,” I call out before getting into my car. Claire hurriedly gets in through the passenger side.
“You don’t need to come with me. I didn’t have anything to drink. Unless you count the three Cokes I had.” I breathe an unconvincing laugh, but Claire is serious. My smile fades immediately. She knows something is up.
“Who called you?”
I look down, the expression on my face solemn. “It was Rhylan.”
“What the hell does he want?”
“I don’t know,” I whisper. I look up at her, my eyes on the brink of tears. The confusion clouds my mind full of questions I know will never be answered. “But he left a message.”
She turns to face the front of the car and huffs. “What an asshole. After all this time, he leaves you alone just enough for you to barely get your life back, and then he calls out of the blue.”
I look down at my wrung-out hands, twisting them as I contemplate what to do. I want so desperately to hear Rhylan’s voice, to hear him call for me and to tell me that everything he said to me, pushing me away and telling me that Bella was now a constant presence in his life, was all a lie.But then my mind goes back to the hurt that he caused me. The gut-wrenching pain that I had to go through in his absence. The only truth that I can cling to is that the pain I thought had subsided in increments is still fresh. I thought I was healing and moving on with my life, but I was wrong.
“I’ll be fine,” I finally say to Claire. I’m unconvincing with my wavering voice.She remains silent, allowing me to resolve, to finally come to a decision. I know she wants to ask me if I want to listen to his voicemail. And maybe I should, at least for a hint of closure, but I don’t know if my heart can handle hearing his voice without the hope of something more.
“Ellie, it’s okay to not be okay. You don’t have to pretend like you aren’t hurt.” Claire reaches for my arm and gently caresses my shoulder. Her reassuring touch causes me to crumble inside before I quickly gather myself. I can’t dwell on this, not now. If I do, I might not come back from it.
I take a deep breath before looking back at Claire. I need to move on from this. I need to live my life.
“You want to come over and watch a movie?” I ask with a defeated smile. I have nowhere else to go but home, but I don’t feel like being alone.
