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She smiles back. “Sure.”
I look over my shoulder as I back out of the parking spot. Wes and Austin are long gone.
“Austin and Wes seem to get along well,” Claire comments.
“Yeah, Austin’s a great guy.”
“I think he likes you.” Her eyes twinkle as she tells me this.
“I know. We kissed earlier, after the interview.”
Claire lightly slaps my arm, and I playfully flinch in response. “I swear, you live a double life. You never tell me these things! So there’s something there?”
My lips purse together in a firm line with my gaze on the road ahead. I wish to myself that I could offer Claire something other than a defeated shake of my head. “I told him I wasn’t ready,” I say. “I thought I was when I kissed him, but it only made me realize that I needed more time.”
“Well, I like him. And Wesloveshim.” Claire laughs.
I smile and look over at her. She reaches for my arm to silently let me know that I should take all the time I need. That she’ll be there to support me through whatever reparative journey I need to take.
I pull into my driveway and park my car, and we quickly make our way into my house. We lazily make ourselves comfortable on my bedroom floor and surround the soft carpet with blankets and pillows, letting the long day melt off of us as we decide what to watch.
The nagging reminder that Rhylan’s voicemail is still unchecked, unlistened to, pokes at me. It reminds me that his presence is still around me, no matter how hard I try to forget him.
With a warm bowl of popcorn and two cans of Cherry Coca-Cola nestled between us, we finally decide on the saddest movie we could think of:The Fault in Our Stars. Maybe we’re masochists, or maybe misery really does love company, but we watch Hazel Grace and Augustus fall in love despite everything working against them. We watch knowing that we’ll end up in a heap of tears and used tissue, just like every other time we’ve seen this movie together.
It’s well past one in the morning when Claire yawns and stretches. “Can I spend the night?”
“Yeah, of course. I didn’t feel like taking you home anyways,” I say through the contagious yawn she passes along to me.
Claire throws a pillow at me before she drags herself off the floor and walks to the bathroom while I set out clothes for her to sleep in.
Hours later, Claire is asleep by my side, snoring softly. But I’m still wide awake.
I put my phone in the top drawer of my dresser when we got back home. I needed to put it away, to keep it from distracting me. But out of sight definitely doesn’t mean out of mind because the possibility of hearing Rhylan’s voice is all I can think about.
I look over at Claire to make sure she’s not awake. Her arm is draped over her forehead as her snoring grows louder, indicating that she’s fallen into a deep sleep. I slowly climb out from underneath the covers and open my dresser drawer to retrieve my phone. Once in the bathroom, the only room in the house with some privacy, I flick on the lights and softly close the door behind me.
I unlock my phone and look at the missed call from Rhylan, along with the voicemail that he left me. For a long time, my finger hovers over the play button.
What do you want, Rhylan? Why are you calling me?
I’m barely existing, hanging on to whatever it is that’s keeping me on the surface. I don’t know why Rhylan called. What could he possibly have to say to me? Whatever it is, good or bad, I don’t know if my heart can move on from what it’s already been through.
Sitting at the edge of the bathtub, I bring my knees up to my chin and continue to stare at my phone. Everything blurs in front of me. A familiar haze glazes over my eyes, and the tears start to form. They roll down my cheeks, reminding me of all the hurt that I’ve gone through since I met Rhylan. Love isn’t supposed to hurt like this. There may be the occasional heartache with every relationship but not the kind of pain that leaves you completely and utterly hopeless. I hurriedly wipe my tears as my phone glares back at me, reminding me that a piece of Rhylan was sitting in my phone in the form of an unchecked voicemail.
And then I do it. I press the play button and brace myself for the sound of Rhylan’s voice.
“Ellie…”
The sound of his voice, raw and aching, fills the room. It echoes, bouncing off the tiled walls, caging me in and surrounding myself within him once again.
“I miss you…”
My heart stops. My entire body goes numb. Of all the reasons he called, I didn’t imagine it would be because he misses me.
“…I don’t know what to do.”
The anger begins to course through me.You don’t know what to do? How about NOT break my heart!Fresh tears that I didn’t know I still had in me begin to pour down my face. I muffle my sobs against the inside of my elbow. After all this time, my heart is still sore from the sharp ache that it suffered through. The anger quickly subsides, and I feel frustrated. Frustrated that he decides to call me to tell me hemissesme, only leaving me confused and hoping for more.
