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“Welcome home, my love. Why don’t you sit down on the couch, and I’ll get you a drink,” I greeted, changing my whole demeanor. I smiled so hard my cheeks hurt, faking everything and trying to put him at ease long enough so that I could come up with a plan. He wavered for a moment, before slogging over to the sunken-in couch and sitting down in a rush. The couch groaned at the sudden weight.
I said nothing.
I dug into the cabinet, finding an old bottle of unopened Jack Daniel’s that had been pushed back behind everything years ago. It was dusty enough that I had to wipe it down before I popped it open, picked out a decently clean glass, and poured him a little.
“Let me get Emma to bed and then we can spend some time together. I’ve missed you, Trev,” I began, offering him the glass.
He glared at me but took the drink and sipped it. I honestly doubted he could even taste it.
“Good stuff, at least,” he muttered.
I went back to the table and picked Emma up out of the booster seat. She protested immediately.
“No! I’m not done, and I want Daddy,” she screamed. She’d been fighting me all night to eat her dinner. She was in this weird phase where she hated everything she had previously liked, even if it had just been last week, and I was struggling to get past it with her. She’d always loved mac and cheese but was being particularly difficult tonight. I struggled to hold her, and a dangerous gleam came over Trevor’s face.
“Can’t even be a mom and keep your kid quiet,” he grumbled.
“She’s your daughter too,” I scoffed.
Emma started kicking and screaming in my arms. I tried to soothe her. This wasn’t like her. She was typically shy and looked to me any time anything was different. Routine made her feel secure. I was putting her to bed earlier than normal, but I really didn’t want her to be around him for any longer than she had to be, especially with him like this.
“Shhh, Emma. You’ll be able to see him in the morning,” I pacified her. Her cries only got louder, and I bounced her on my hip.
That always made her feel better. Her crying lessened a little, but it didn’t stop.
“Shut that fucking kid up!” he roared.
If he’d just yelled at us, that would have been one thing, but it hadn’t ended there.
It got so much worse.
Furiously, he shot to his feet. He chugged down the rest of his whiskey, slung his arm back, and threw the heavy glass toward me and Emma. I ducked down as much as I could with her in my arms and the glass slammed into the wall, shattering just over my head. The fragments landed on top of my hair. Time seemed to slow as the shards bounced off my shoulders and clinked down to the floor. Some of them landed on top of her hair and for the first time in my life, I was thankful for the thick mop of reddish blonde curls on her head.
I stilled, only now noticing that I’d curved my body around Emma’s in order to protect her. She’d gone quiet and I drew in a hesitant breath, nervous to make any sudden movements while also knowing that I needed to get out of there.
Bravely, I stood back up, staring down at the pieces of sharp glass below my feet. Gently, I used my one free arm to brush the broken glass from her head and from mine second. I cut my fingers, but I barely notice. I stepped over them carefully and made my way down the hallway. Thankfully, he didn’t follow. As soon as I made it to Emma’s room, I closed the door behind me and cleared my throat, trying to swallow every ounce of fear inside me so that my daughter wouldn’t see just how bad this really was.
“What’s going on, Mommy?” she asked, her voice small and timid.
“Nothing, sweetheart. It’s time for bed. Can you be a good girl for Mommy and go to sleep?” I replied softly.
“I’m not tired,” she pouted. Her blue eyes sparkled with unshed tears, and I wanted to do everything I could to take those away. I reached for her, brushing a stray hair off her forehead.
“What if I made you a deal? Would you like to use Mommy’s tablet? You can even use my headphones if you like,” I offered.
“Can I watch a movie?” she asked, her eyes already brightening with excitement. She loved some of the older Disney films these days. Her current obsession wasCinderella. She’d watched it yesterday, but that didn’t much matter. She could see it every day and not tire of it.
“Yes. But only because it’s a special occasion,” I grinned. “Can you get in your PJs for me?”
She nodded and quickly skipped over to her dresser. She’d been practicing getting dressed all on her own, mostly for bedtime at least, so I’d put all her pajamas in the lowest drawer. She struggled it get it open at first, but once she got past the point where it usually stuck, she squealed with glee. She picked out a pink unicorn nightie, putting it on the bed so she could look it over and fully decide it was the perfect outfit for the night. She pulled her t-shirt over her head, leaving it on the floor in a pile with the rest of her outfit.
In the meantime, I unplugged my tablet from the charger and plugged in her headphones. I didn’t want her to hear what happened next. I handed her the tablet and checked her pull-up, seeing that it was still clean.
“Ohhh! Goodie!” she exclaimed. I tucked her in, and she tapped the screen a few times to bring up her movie. She’d been able to figure that part out all on her own about two weeks ago and I’d been so proud. That was my daughter. She was such a smart little thing.
I hoped that she would have a better life than me.
I kissed her forehead and switched off the light.
