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“No, I’m not gay. That’s nasty.”
Of course, I hadn’t known what being gay meant at the time. All I knew was that despite being sick, my mother still whooped my ass. She told me in no uncertain terms that no son of hers would ever be caught wearing a dress.
I’m not a cross dresser, and I would certainly never look down on anyone who was. At eight, I was just curious. Now, it seemed as if childhood curiosity had grown into me in my adulthood now questioning my sexuality.
This wasn’t the first time I had experimented with a man, but it was the first time I’d ever felt like feelings were involved. And that scared the shit out of me. Was it wrong to want my cake and eat it too? I wanted both Hana and Joseph. But society demanded that I must make a choice. Something I didn’t want to do.
Why must I?
Joseph identified as bisexual. Even Hana admitted to feeling something for other women. What was different about me? Why was it so hard for a black man in this society to be queer? If I’m bisexual, people think it’s because I want attention. They assume it’s because I don’t want to pick a team. That was not true. I feel more torn than I ever had in my life.
I wasn’t going to get the answer to my sexuality here at the office. But I didn’t want to head home. Not now. Not knowing that the both of them were waiting for me. I needed to apologize to Hana and Joseph.
I felt a headache brewing. This wasn’t what I thought I was getting into when I took Hana as my own. I could only blame one man, and he wasn’t even here to take responsibility for his actions any longer. This was all Luke’s fault. If I could, I would raise that fucker from the dead just to kill him all over again. Too bad I couldn’t do that. Not in this lifetime.
Chapter Twenty-One
Hana
I looked at the bruises forming on my neck in the visor mirror and knew I couldn’t go home to my parent’s house. So, I did the next best thing. I headed to my apartment with Joseph.
I headed back home hoping Joseph wouldn’t be there. I didn’t want to get into a fight with him as well. Not after the way I’d treated him in Logan’s office. My throat was bothering me now, and I didn’t want to talk anymore. I just wanted to take a shower and go to bed.
Unfortunately for me, Joseph was inside when I opened the front door.
I should’ve gone to Logan’s place.I walked inside slowly, hoping Jojo didn’t hear me, hoping I could sneak by and make it to my room undetected. It wasn’t meant to be.
“Oh, you’re back.” Joseph drawled, talking into his tumbler of vodka rather than looking at me.
“Hi,” I croaked.
“What’s wrong with your throat?”
“Noth—” My voice broke.
He finally looked up, his eyes passing over mine before his gaze lowered. He double backed on my neck and just glared at the marks that I knew were there.
“Who did that, baby girl?” he snarled,
“It’s nothing,” I said weakly, waving his concern away.
He slammed down his glass almost shattering it. “Who the fuck hurt you?”
When I didn’t answer, choosing instead to turn and walk away, Joseph came up from behind me. He captured the hair at the nape of my neck and spun me back. I whimpered, flashing back to Logan grabbing me in anger. Why was I always being manhandled? Why didn’t I object more to it?
“You have one more chance to tell me who hurt you, or I’m going to make you. Your choice.”
Despite the violence dancing in his eyes, I shook my head again, holding my breath in anticipation.
“You chose wrong.”
Joseph kept his grip on my neck, uncaring that he was hurting me as well. He steered me to the couch and sat down, dragging me to stand before him. He used his free hand to undress me. I didn’t say a word of protest.
Once I was naked, Joseph laid me flat over his thighs, tilting my head down my bare ass was up and out. “Tell me who hurt you.” His voice was soft as he caressed my ass cheeks.
“I can’t,” I croaked. I didn’t deserve justice. Not after that scene in the office. Not after everything.
Smack!His heavy hand fell, and I yelped. I hadn’t expected him to just start smacking my ass. I thought I would get a little warning first.
