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“Let me guess, you left this door open so I could see that she would always be yours and never mine. You wanted to show me everything I wanted as you pulled it away from me, right?” His words slurred like he had been drinking.
I shook my head in denial, but Joseph was too far gone to care.
“What more can you take from me? You want my life, too?” Joseph held his wrists above his head like a sacrifice waiting for slaughter. My brother Luke came to mind, how I had helped him depart this existence in such a manner.
What had we done? Had we broken Joseph?
Chapter Twenty-Four
Joseph
After the blow up with Hana and Logan. I’d left the apartment and headed to the bar. It was the only place I could think of to clear the negativity in my head. But as I kept the drinks flowing, my thoughts went darker and darker. I’d always been the upbeat guy. I laughed when I felt like crying. Now? I was wondering what the point of living was?
No one wanted me in their lives. They rejected me. Every single one of them. The pain in my heart seemed to grow with the alcohol. How could I stop it from hurting?
You could end it, no one would miss you,my mother’s voice rang in my mind.
My eyes were blurring.
No son of mine is going to be a fucking faggot.My mother’s toxic venom spewed in my brain.
“No, I don’t need to relive that.”
All you have to do when you get home is end it,my mother whispered.
I hadn’t spoken to my parents in years, but there was no doubt in my mind they wanted to see me dead. One less homosexual in the world. Who cared that I was a living, breathing human being with feelings?
The world won’t miss you. Get out!
A replay of the day my mother kicked me out always lived rent free in my mind. I knew it was time to throw in the towel tonight. I had hoped the apartment was empty. Sadly, it was not. Because when I had walked into the apartment and grabbed water out of the fridge, I heard the soft moans coming from Hana’s room. She was supposed be gone. Irritated, I stumbled to her bedroom to see a sight that was only in my dreams.
Logan was pleasuring Hana while she slept. My cock grew hard instantly. I wanted to come up behind him and finger his ass, but we weren’t in that place anymore. Was this it? Did they plan this?
Just go into the bathroom and get it over with. You’ll find peace.
I tried to shake my mother’s voice off. I covered the fact that my mental faculties were failing by clapping from their performance. Was Hana even sleeping?
Logan acted like he was shocked to see me here. In my own apartment. What a load of shit.
“Let me guess, you left this door open to torture me. So, I could see that she would always be yours and never mine. You wanted to show me everything I wanted as you pulled it away, right?” I felt like my words were falling on top of each other.
The burn of the alcohol had left me, but the rush from being too intoxicated stayed. The room swayed and I didn’t hear anything more.
Just end it.
I held my wrists out, asking my mother, the universe, anyone and everyone, “What more can you take from me? You want my life, too?”
Everything hurt but seeing Logan and Hana like this made me go numb.
Stop being a sissy and get it over with. You’re a disappointment to us both.
It was time to give into this feeling. I wanted it all to go away. Without saying anything more, I stumbled into the kitchen and grabbed the nearest knife.
Logan came tearing after me as I headed into the bathroom. I closed the door, locking it in his shocked face. I wasn’t sure what was written on mine, but the concern he had for me meant nothing.
“Joseph? What are you doing with the knife?” The doorknob turned but didn’t open for him. Logan started pushing against the door, knocking, calling my name. His knocking grew to pounding and the door shook from the force of his fists as he shouted my name over and over again.
I tuned him out, staring longingly at the tub. I turned on the knob and plugged the drain.
