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I sighed and grabbed his rail thin hand in mine. “I am happy. I’m still learning a lot about being an adult, but I’m smiling more than I did then. Back then, I didn’t even want to live in this world, but now I’m finding reasons to keep breathing.”
Tears fell down my father’s face, but I didn’t wipe them away. He had to know what they did almost took me at a young age. If it wasn’t for the Lees, I can’t say with certainty I would’ve seen adulthood.
“I know what we did was horrible, but I’m not speaking to you for your mom. I’m speaking to you as your father. I was in the wrong. I shouldn’t have stood idly by. I should’ve stood up to her. I didn’t, and for that, I needed to see you, even if it was only once, so you knew that I regretted every single day I missed out. I regretted not being the one you could tell your secrets to.”
My throat was almost completely closed. I knew I had tears in my eyes, but I wouldn’t let them fall. I would grieve fully when my father took his last breaths.
“How long did they give you?” I tried to steer away from our past for a bit.
“I only have a few days at best.”
The outlook was bleak, but I wanted to be there every step of the way. “We are staying at a nearby hotel. Do you want me to come back until you’re gone?”
“If only for my peace of mind, yes.”
“I can do that. I’ll bring Hana again as well. I think you’ll really love her.” I tried to smile but found I couldn’t fake it.
“There’s one last thing I regret. I want you to know that I made it right, but still.”
“What? What is it?” I couldn’t take any more drama right now.
“I made sure everyone within a fifty-mile radius knows what a piece of shit that Adam was. I know you didn’t come right out and say it, but if we had been paying more attention to you that day rather than choking on our beliefs, we would’ve seen it.”
I pulled away from his hand, unable to make eye contact. “Seen what?”
“That, that boy raped you! It was clear as day, and we were too far up our own asses to see the pain you were in. But that’s what happens when you’re given a timeline on life. You start thinking back on everything. I couldn’t stop thinking about you and I remembered there was blood. You were crying and limping, but we still kicked you out. It wasn’t right. We should’ve protected you.” He slammed a frail fist over his chest.
My chest tightened, unexpectedly. “Mom knew. She…she didn’t care once I confessed that I was gay. Mrs. Lee took me to see a psychiatrist, but the woman must’ve been homophobic or something. She told me to my face that men can’t get raped, and a gay man was just looking for attention. I never went back, and Mrs. Lee never asked me.”
“She should’ve lost her license for that. Give me her name and I’ll complain.” My father said, his eyes flashing hatred.
“There’s no point. People like that get what’s coming to them. I have no doubt about it.” I leaned forward and squeezed his hand.
“You’re right about that.” my father said.
“Who’s right about what?” My mother breezed in like she hadn’t been eavesdropping. She had two coffees in her hand.
I frowned. “Nothing.”
Hana came out of the bathroom, surprise covering her face when she saw we were all staring at her.
“Hey, sorry. Did I take a long time?” she asked me, fixing her clothes as she went.
I shook my head no and saw my father yawn out the corner of my eye. “I think we should call it a day. I’m beat from traveling and I know we could use some rest before I come back tomorrow.”
I didn’t engage with my mother. Fuck that.
We said quick goodbyes and I hustled Hana out of the hospital, dumping the coffee my mother picked up for me on my way out. I didn’t want anything from her. Not after the way she treated me.
“Let’s get something to eat.” I grabbed Hana’s hand and headed to the nearest pizza place. We could’ve ordered room service, but I didn’t want to run up the bill just in case I needed to pay funeral bills for my mother. Not that they deserved any piece of me, but I felt a little closer to my father. That wound closed just a bit. Just enough for me to be willing to see him laid to rest properly.
Back at the hotel, Hana and I kicked up our feet, watching television. She chose aFast and Furiousmovie and, maybe it’s just me, but I fell a little more in love with her for that. Hana didn’t love action movies. She enjoyed girly things. The fact that she set aside her wants for my own made me see her better than I’d had in years. This womandidcare for me.
Later that night, I laid in bed staring up at the ceiling. Even with Hana’s tiny snores, I couldn’t fall asleep. I had too much going on in my mind. I was in bed with the woman who meant the world to me, and I couldn’t do anything. My dad was dying, and I would give anything to escape from this grief.
But there was nothing I could do. My mind spun with all the revelations from today. I flipped over with a grunt, facing Hana. I probably should’ve gotten us two rooms but having her close to me brought a slight comfort. Like I used to do when she was younger, I reached out and gently grabbed her hand. I didn’t want to wake her.
“Jojo?” Her husky sleepy voice made my heart speed up.
