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EDEN
Four Months Later…
I’m sitting at home on a Saturday afternoon, a scarf wrapped around my neck and a blanket hugging my shoulders.
Rose lies on the carpet, a safe distance from the fire. “C’mon,” I prompt her. “You can do it.” I crawl to her right, and she rolls onto her belly. She slowly pushes up on all fours and takes the first few movements to crawl. “Yay.” I clap my hands, and she beams her cheeky smile with the cutest two front teeth. “Daddy is going to be so proud of you.”
Daddy.
It’s now mid-July, and I haven’t received any messages from Samuel. And my birthday is one month away, and I hoped he’d be here to celebrate with me. My heart aches for him.
Rose makes a cute sound, saving me from my dark thoughts. She rocks back and forth on all fours—something she has been doing for weeks—but today is the first time she has attempted to move her chubby limbs.
I wipe the drool from the corner of her mouth and assume at seven months old, more teeth will appear soon, especially since her cheeks have a red glow. As I take her hands, she pushes up onto her feet while holding my fingers for support. A giggle erupts from her as she bobs up and down. “You’re too cute,” I tell her and kiss her cheek.
Letting go of my finger, she balances with only one hand for support while I reach for my phone and pull up a photo of Samuel. I hold the image in front of her face. “Dada,” I repeat. She giggles, and I say the word like a mantra. “He’ll come to us soon,” I tell her. But with every passing day, hope fades a little more, and I face the reality that we may never see him again.
My throat dries and burns. I do my best to shut the emotion down. “Dammit.” I open my phone and send Asoo a message.
Hi Asoo. I know it’s a long shot, but have you heard anything from Samuel?
Every day I worry. Every day I watch Rose grow, and I hate he’s not here to see how beautiful she is. Is he dead or alive? Sick or healthy? Does he even want to leave and come find us?
Nausea hits me.
I don’t want to think the worst, but if something were to happen, I doubt I’d ever find out. If they died of starvation in the middle of the jungle, then no one would know. If they ran into trouble with mafia-type gangs and were held hostage or shot, would we ever find out?I’m lost and have no one to turn to for help because everything about the Ularans is secretive.
I swipe my cheek. I have shed so many for Samuel. I can’t believe I have tears left to cry for him. In my heart, I want to believe he’s alive and trying to get home to us. Only so many months have passed without a single word.
I have to face the truth that he may never come. I don’t want a future without him, but the universe has set him on a dangerous journey, and all I can do is hope and pray he’s still alive.
Even his parents don’t act concerned, and they remind me he has done this before. They won’t file a missing person report and told me to wait as he sometimes remains silent for eighteen months.
I hope everything is good with you, and I miss you all. I miss Canaima. Below is a picture of Rose. Love to all xxx
I attach a photo of Rose in a pretty pink dress with a big smile on her face.
“Darling,” Mum says as she enters the room. “Would you like to go out for dinner with me? Dad said he’d look after Rose.”
I glance up from my phone and wipe my eyes.
“Honey, what is it?”
“Samuel.” I shrug. “I just wish he’d send a message somehow so I know he’s okay.”
She lowers herself to the carpet and crosses her legs with ease, thanks to years of yoga. “It was around this time last year that I told you about Ivy.” I nod. “Look how far you have come. We’re so proud of you. You’re a wonderful mother, and you work full-time.” She gives me a serious look, and I’m unsure what her point is. “Last year you told me you wanted to study nursing.”
“My circumstances have changed.”
“They did, but I can see you have your life on hold, working a convenient job you’re not completely happy doing to support you and Rose. You are waiting and hoping for the love of your life to return to you andsaveyou.”
Everything Mum has said is true, and every day it’s easier to continue along the same path. I close my eyes slowly and open them to give myself a moment.
“Don’t settle for second best.” She rests her hand on mine. “You deserve more, and you don’t need saving. You found yourself in the jungle. You can do it here too. Maybe you have to reinvent yourself or simply embrace the new you… the person you discovered hidden inside.” She pushes strands of hair behind my ear. “You’re beautiful and strong. Talented and passionate. You have learned so much from Ivy. Don’t let it go to waste.”
Chocolate brown eyes meet mine, showing me the warmth of an adoring mother. “I want you to promise me starting tomorrow, you’ll focus on you. Take steps forward to secure a happy future for both your daughter and yourself. And before you say anything, I hope as much as you do that Samuel is safe and will come home to you. But whatever fate delivers, make sure you’re prepared because Rose needs you more than ever.”
I glance at my daughter as the words of advice sink in. “Yeah, she does.”
