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He leans his forehead against mine, breathing fast, and places both my hands on his chest.
“I won’t fuck up again,” he whispers. “I ruined things once, but I won’t do it a second time.”
I want to believe him. I want to believe it so badly that I’m ready to throw away everything and do whatever he says.
And that’s what makes me stop.
Because this isn’t about Nolan anymore. This isn’t about me or my mother. This isn’t about diving down deep into a crush I’ve carried with me for years and years and finally exploring the complicated and delicious feelings it stamps into my mind.
This is about my sister and protecting what I love.
“I’m sorry.” I pull away and this time he lets me go. “I’m sorry, but I can’t.”
The world resumes around me. Water, birds, wind, leaves.
The expression on his face is like the end of a long, painfully beautiful argument.
“Think about it,” he says and remains completely still as I move backwards, putting space between us. “All my offers still stand. We can do this, Cora. You and I. I can save you both.”
“I’m sorry.”
He says nothing as I turn and walk away. I get a few feet before I start to jog then run then stumble my way back through the woods toward the trailer, those words ringing in my ears.
I’m sorry, but I can’t.
Even though I want to.
Chapter 7
Cora
The Lane Change is quiet a few hours after the lunch rush. Only a few lonely long-haulers remain in their booths drinking gallons of coffee and chewing their way through the last remnants of burgers and fries before it’s time to hit the road again. The diner smells like engine oil and deep fryer grease, but the ladies working here are all nice and the people that pass through are generally okay. Kady says it’s mostly a good job even if it’s a lot of hustling around and time on her feet.
My sister laughs at something one of her coworkers says, an older woman named Fay with a huge smile. I try not to stare at Kady but I can’t help myself. The conversation I had with Nolan earlier in the morning is still stuck in my head and I keep thinking about what he says—I can save you both—and I’m afraid he wasn’t lying.
I sip my coffee and turn the mug in circles on the peeling laminate table top and try to get myself together.
If I stick with Nolan, I’m throwing myself right back into the fire, and I’m going to drag Kady in with me whether I like it or not. He can say whatever he wants, but if I’m involved with him and he’s getting into a war with the ORB, that means Kady’s going to be a target one way or another.
But if I don’t, there goes all that money. There goes that health insurance. There goes a chance at getting me and her out of that trailer and into a better life and there goes a future. We’ll be stuck here in Georgia our whole lives working shit jobs like this one, working grueling twelve-hour shifts just to stay afloat, and we’ll always be so tired that any joy we find in being alive gets sucked out the second we head home. There won’t be anything but sleep and work and that’s it, at least until one of us screws up and gets pregnant by the first attractive guy that offers to take the edge off the misery, but that’ll only make things so much worse.
I can see the paths diverging. I can see our lives playing out. On one path, I stick with Nolan, I get the money, but maybe Kady ends up dead. On the other, we live, we survive, but that life is long and filled with nothing but shades of gray and sorrow.
“You’ve got that thinking face on again.” Kady slips into the booth across from me with a sigh and takes her apron off. “I’m on a fifteen and all I want to do is go home and sleep.”
“I’m sorry.” I push my coffee over and she takes it gratefully. “Work going okay?”
“Yeah, you know, the usual. I had a guy pinch my ass like ten minutes into getting here but Fay called him an old engine slug and a sick pervy fuckface, and Franco the line cook kicked him out, so that was exciting. Otherwise, the usual. Decent tips though.” She drums her fingers against the mug and takes a long sip. “Sometimes I wish I could work for twenty-four hours straight then take two days off after that. Like get it all over with instead of knowing that tomorrow I’ve got to do this all over again.”
“Work sucks.”
“You wouldn’t know right now, my unemployed sister. Aren’t you supposed to be off making a nice, fat paycheck cleaning Nolan’s cars or something?”
