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“No, Cora. Just because she’s your sister doesn’t mean you love her. We’re not obligated to love our family.”
“That’s not true.”
“Do you think I loved my daddy? Do you think I loved him when he got high and beat my ass or when he got drunk and beat my mom’s ass? Do you think I loved my momma when she whipped me with a belt for pissing my dad off and getting her hit? Do you think I loved myself?”
I chew on my lip and shake my head. “That’s different.”
“It’s not. You don’t have to love your family. Some family is just too fucked. But you do love Kady, you said it yourself.”
“She killed our mother.”
“She did what she thought she had to do. In the moment, she felt it was right, and your mother was going to pull that trigger sooner or later whether Kady helped her or not. Did you want your mother to suffer?”
“No, I didn’t, but we don’t know—”
“Cora, we know. You know.”
“You think I should forgive her? Even though she killed our mother?”
“Mercy. That’s what it was. She gave your mother mercy. Instead of a long, slow decline, your mother got to make one last choice. The most important choice of all, how she wanted to go. Only she couldn’t do it herself, and your sister gave her the gift of easing her choice a little bit. I’m not saying what Kady did was right or if I would’ve done the same thing in her shoes, but I am saying your sister didn’t murder your mother. Your sister did what she thought was right. Your sister did what your momma wanted. That’s the definition of love.”
I sob in my hands. I know he can hear me crying but I can’t speak right now. The definition of love—being able to do something so horrible, so terrible, and yet so necessary for another person despite the stain it might leave on your own soul. Kady has to wonder about what it means for her and she must be struggling every day knowing she committed a horrible sin. And yet she did it out of love, out of mercy.
I hate that I have to feel this way. I hate that I have to make these choices. I hate sitting here in this kitchen and sobbing. But I’m so conflicted, so utterly torn in half, and I don’t know how I’m ever going to find myself again.
“You don’t have to forgive her,” Nolan says as I start to calm down. “But you still love her and she’s still your sister. That’s all that matters.”
“I need to process this. I just need time to figure it out.”
“Take the time then. I’ll be there soon and I’ll bring you two home.”
“Then what?” I chew on my lip as wipe my face. “What do we do after you get us? There’s still a war. The ORB is going to want to hurt us even worse now.”
“You’ll be safe with me.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because I’ll die before I let them touch you.”
“Nolan—”
“Listen to me.” His voice is harsh and thick with emotion. “I let you get away before but I’m not making that mistake again. We’ll both regret it if we don’t do this. Is it a risk? Yeah, it’s a fucking risk, but so is running away to California or wherever you’d go if it weren’t for Jaxson. Life is a risk, Cora, and I need you to take that risk with me.”
I take a slow, deep breath. “Okay. Come get me then.”
“I’ll be there soon. Is your phone getting charged?”
“I have it plugged in right now.”
“Good. Stay on the line. Don’t hang up even if you need to go talk to your sister, all right?”
“All right. I promise.”
He lets out a long breath. “All right then. What do you want to talk about for the next six hours?”
I laugh at the absurdity of the whole situation and he laughs with me, and it’s the most cathartic laughter I’ve ever experienced in my life before. The emotions flow from me like a river, and I’m both happy and sad, terrified and excited, and everything in between, but Nolan’s coming for me, he’s coming to end all this, and I’m waiting.
Chapter 24
Nolan
We talk about nothing. We talk about everything. It’s the most intimate I’ve ever felt with a person, sitting in my Rover and driving, getting closer and closer to the voice at the other end of the line. I stop for gas once and that’s it, otherwise, I drive and drive, and Cora stays hidden in the cabin.
At some point, Kady joins the conversation. Cora takes a shower, followed by Kady. I hear nothing but silence and the sound of running water, but that’s reassuring, it means they’re still okay. Cora comes back when she’s finished and jokes about wishing I were with her to clean her back. “That’s not what you’d want me to do,” I say, and Kady tells me to please don’t start talking dirty as I’m still on speakerphone.
