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But the truth is that I’m not okay.
Last night I discovered how fucked-up my girlfriend is and made a decision I’m not sure I can live with. Matt and I are officially together. It’s time to fight the demons.
I have to work out my internal issues because I don’t want to disappoint him. No. I don’t want to hurt him by hiding him because I’m ashamed of who I am.
We both agreed to fight for our girl—together. Translation: I have to come out soon. My therapist couldn’t see me today, but I’ll be in his office on Monday at seven to discuss the amount of grief and guilt I’m carrying.
“I emailed you the list of counselors as you requested.” Chris attempts to open the conversation, again. “Are your parents supportive of—”
“My sexuality?” I finish the sentence for him.
He nods. I want to laugh, or maybe cry.
“No. They don’t support me. I’m Catholic, so you can imagine the support my church will give me if I tell them I like to make love to women but also like to be topped by men. Or fuck them when I’m in the mood.” Then I tap my temple. “I have my own issues, but I’m working on them.”
“TMI, dude,” Jacob blurts.
“As disturbing as it is to listen to that information,” Gabe says, smiling widely, “I like to think of it as karma, Christian, for all the uninvited information you’ve provided me throughout the years.”
“I was educating you, College Boy.” The man smirks at his husband. “Tell you what, let’s head home later, and I’ll teach you how great I can be as a bottom, but then you let me top all night.”
Jacob and Ainsley make gagging noises, and Christian turns back to me. “I hope your parents learn to accept you. If not, it’s their loss. From now on, you have us as your family too.”
Months ago, that sentence would have bugged me. I’m of the idea that families aren’t necessary to survive. Today I’m relieved to know that Matt’s family accepts me and that they helped us with Thea.
They matter a lot to him.
Matthew: She’s showering. Do you want to come upstairs?
Coop: How is she?
Matthew: Troubled, but better. We need to discuss her living arrangements—today.
Coop: After I finish talking with her. I’m on my way.
ChapterSix
Thea
My heart hasa little ache pulsating along with its regular beat.
The pain increases when I leave the bathroom and find Tristan sitting on top of the already-made bed. His palms rest on top of his thighs, and his left foot taps lightly against the wood floor. My pounding head matches the tapping tempo as I avoid his eyes.
Matt and I agreed to a relationship, but am I strong enough to be with two of them?
“Thea?” His sad voice calls to me and it’s so unsettling that I let out a whimper. “What’s wrong?”
“Me.”
He scratches the back of his ear, and his green eyes have that crinkle to them that’s only for me.
Yes, I love him too.
But that ache…
Is it because I want more than anything for our love to happen, to become as real as the sun on a cloudy day? You don’t see it, but it’s right behind the clouds warming up the entire world.
There’s that love, but I’m upset at him. I scratch the floor with my toes, wanting to find out exactly what he said to them. “You told them about my childhood?”
