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The apartment is upside down. A yoga mat takes up the only clear path in the tiny area where she lives. Every time I visit this place, the clutter makes me want to leave, but the aroma of incense and freshly cut flowers invite me to stay. It’s a welcome-home scent that makes me forget everything but the two people in front of me.
“Want coffee, Cooperson?” Matthew heads to the kitchenette, looking inside the pot on the stove. “I guess apple oatmeal won over omelets.”
“I told you that I didn’t have eggs, Decker,” Thea protests and heads to where he stands. “Move aside. I’ll make the coffee and serve you oatmeal. Now can either one of you explain why Tristan is here?”
“Because he has shit to do?” Matt responds in third person, pointing at himself. Thea’s eyes drop halfway and her jaw tenses. “Don’t give me that evil glare. What do you want me to say?”
Thea’s eyes narrow, and I have to admit this is fun. “I told you I’m okay. I don’t need a babysitter.”
I clear the blankets from the couch and sit down while watching their rant.
She removes some bracelets from her wrist and points at the numbers written on it. “2-0-1-5. If I need, I’ll call my sponsor or—”
“Let’s say you were with a patient. What would you suggest?” Matt questions her. “Not as a temporary fix, but as a more permanent one. A sponsor is only one person. What else are you missing?”
She closes her eyes for a few beats. “Family, friends…” She presses her lips against each other, watching him, then me. “My mind knows what I need, but it’s not easy to let the walls down.”
“I get it. You’ve been doing it by yourself,” Matt says, controlling his voice. “But why not let someone else care for you?”
“I’m not ready for this.” Thea points between the two of them. “There’s a long way I have to walk before I can trust being with someone else, Matthew. Trusting that I have someone next to me for support. Never had that before, and I can’t deal with the fear of losing you.”
“You won’t, damn it.” Matthew finally moves his gaze to meet mine. “Please talk some sense into her. Can you please explain to her that I won’t leave her? I haven’t left him, and there are reasons why I should’ve dropped his ass long ago.”
“Are you two a couple?” Thea frowns and glares from Matthew to me.
I shake my head.
“He makes it sound like you are.”
“We slept together for a while,” I confess. “But decided we can handle shit better as friends.”
Matt crosses his arms, narrowing his gaze. “You’re skipping the part where you put me in a closet.” Thea glides her hand over his arm, as if soothing him from some big hurt he received. “Eight weeks of great sex, but it hurt both of us. He can’t handle going against his family’s beliefs.”
“Which are?”
Thea watches me. There’s no judgment or anger. It’s so easy being with them. As I look at the two of them together, the pinch in my heart becomes the squeeze of a strong fist. I freeze. Fuck, I’m in love with her and falling for him all at the same time. Maybe I was already in love with Matt.
No. There’s no fucking way I can be doing that.
Rubbing my temples with both hands, I talk myself out of this first thought. My worries about her are what brought me here. Later I can entertain any emotions toward Matt. One step at a time.
Rising from my seat, I take a deep breath and walk closer to where she stands.
“You know I’m bisexual. But my parents, society, and my religion forbid me to act on it in plain sight. The day after a guy fucks me, the guilt becomes a slab of concrete over my shoulders.” I glance down at the floor, then back at them. “I pushed Matt to do something he hates—hide who he is while we fucked. Being with a man makes me drink more than I should. It’s the only way I can be myself and forget the blame.”
I can’t raise my eyes to look at either of them. I’ve just exposed myself to two of the most important people in my life.
I can’t lose them, but for some absurd reason, I don’t think I will. When I finally look up at Matt, I see my friend—a man who cares for meandaccepts who I am. No judgment. Only… love? As my eyes shift to Thea, it’s the compassion I see. Friendship.
“I can help you with that. We can find a counselor to help you overcome your fears.” Thea slides into that sweet, helping-the-world mode. “You’ll find a way to be comfortable in your skin, with yourself. That’s what’s stopping the two of you.”
“Stopping?” we both ask.
“From falling in love.” She smiles and has this dreaming-of-a-better-tomorrow gaze. The brightness in her face takes over her delicate features. The switch from the dark place to a happy place flips right in front of my eyes. “With each other.”
“Will that make you happy, if I find some help?” I ask.
Her eager nod pulls on my heartstrings, and I want to google the nearest counselor right at this moment.
