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“Maybe I’ll get a therapist but stop your plans right there. Matthew and I will never work. He’s taken. By you.”
She opens her mouth to argue with me, but I hold my finger over her sweet mouth, a mouth I’d rather kiss. “How about we make a deal? Once I find a way to let myself be who I am, I’ll search formyother half. In the meantime, you help yourself and lean on us—your friends.”
I resist no longer, and gently kiss her forehead. I can’t deny the peace I feel as she accepts my care.
“Coffee is ready.” Matthew interrupts our discussion without even checking the coffee pot. My heart stops as his eyes darken and his smirk widens. He’s brewing something, and it isn’t just the damn coffee.
ChapterForty-Four
Tristan
After that daringglare Matt sends me, we stay on safe topics. Topics that allow me to consider what Thea proposed: seeing a therapist. I’ve been to several already. Most of the Christian-based counselors my parents sent me to promised the cure to my condition—liking men.
Could a new shrink help erase years of guilt and shame? Being comfortable in my own skin—accepting myself?
Would I be able to fall in love?
Looking at Thea, I realize that before that is possible, I have to falloutof love. It feels like a heavy weight is sitting on my chest as I try to solve some kind of puzzle called my love life, or the lack of it.
My un-fucking-lucky love life. If I had dared, I would’ve let Matt into my life, but I was too scared. Now I fall for Thea, and she’s with him. Putting a stop to loving her is going to be hard when I plan on being whatever she might need. A friend, a shoulder to lean on… I’m screwed and not in a good way.
I hear a chuckle inside my head because can we really be friends when my hands want to touch her?
Friends don’t steal glances, and they don’t seek each other’s arms. Lovers do.
Lovers. I shift my glance toward Matt, who is saying his goodbyes to Thea—leaning forward and touching her lips with his.Fuck.I miss them—his lips. The taste of him and everything that happened between us. Instead of torturing myself by watching their passionate kiss, I leave the apartment and head downstairs.
It doesn’t take long for him to join me at the bottom of the stairs.
“Are you going to tell me why you summoned me?” Other than being tortured as you kissed her long and slowly before saying goodbye.
The longing of my heart is greater than the confusion of not knowing who I want to be at that moment. Thea receiving a hard, lustful kiss. Or Matthew, who enjoyed her soft silky lips while his mouth made love to her.
“She looks fine.”
“Now. I bet she answered the door with the droopy,my dog diedface.”
“She wasn’t herself,” I agree.
“Ican’t tell you exactly what happened but know that she needs to know we care for her. That we love her.”
“You love her,” I correct him with a lie.
I’m fucked. Because I’m in love with my ex-lover’s girlfriend.
How’s that for fucked up?
“She still thinks you have a thing for me.” I step outside and tilt my head for him to follow me. We both walk toward his car. “We had a good run. It’s over, so focus your energy on her—in a positive way. You hurt her, and I’ll kill you.”
“I do have a thing for you, but it’s different.” He winks at me, laughing at his own joke.
It gets to me that the sound of his laugh has become one of my favorite sounds. Along with Thea’s sweet voice. The way he looks at the world. Matt finds joy in everything. In life itself. Nothing sours his mood, or he hides it well. Damn, I think I’m falling. No, I continue falling. I never stopped, and that’s the problem.
Shit, shit.
“Tristan, I’ll always be attracted to you.” He rakes his hand through his unruly strands, his eyes running over my body. “The difference between those eight weeks and now is that I no longer see you as the hot guy I can fuck around with. You’re my friend. I care about youandthat woman right there.” He points toward the bar. “The one we both love. She’s teaching me how to love you. I think I want to set sail with the two of you, hoping the wind takes us to our final destination.”
My heart stops, and my lungs deflate.
