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What the fuck is he thinking?
That’s not right, not the way a couple should be. Couples are pairs of two.
Two.
Maybe I have to take him back to basics and explain how life, mathematics, and society dictate our lives.
“Count me out of your plans.” I take a step back. “Friendship. That’s all I can offer you and Thea, Matt. There can never be a final destination for thethreeof us. It’s… abnormal.” I flinch. Fuck, I sound like my father. “Matt, I was able to fuck you by not letting myself believe—”
I don’t finish. I can’t.
“It’s over, and we are both finding our place. Well, you found someone to love. Maybe one day I’ll be as lucky as you and settle down.”
I swallow my feelings and turn back to Thea’s. She’s the one who needs him. I can’t bear seeing her broken. If anyone can keep her together, that’s Matt.
“Nothing you say will convince me to join your nonsense.”
It’s hard, but I gather my strength to behave like the asshole he hates. Pivoting, I warn him with my index finger. “Don’t start pushing that agenda on me, Matthew. You might lose her, or worse, this might end up in tragedy. If you love her so much, don’t jeopardize her happiness. Mark my words. Three won’t work.”
“Don’t overthink this, Tristan. At least let it flow while we find out if we belong.” His signature smirk takes over, and I fight the need to punch and kiss him.
Why isn’t he listening to me?
“I can’t predict the future, but I can work for it. I’ve decided to do so. Take care of our girl, babe.”
ChapterForty-Five
Thea
I spentmy morning with Christian Decker. He called yesterday to ask if I was available today. He wanted to discuss the schedule for the next month since he had found a place where I could counsel, and he can supervise.
All was exciting until he said the C word. Children. My kryptonite.
I was hoping this time it’d be different. No one seems to understand I specialize in addictions, not minors. I’ve done it out of necessity, but I can’t counsel children without wanting to cry along with them or wanting to take them home with me. Give them a safe shelter where their parents, or whoever is in charge, can’t harm them anymore.
The worry of having to work with young humans busied my mind and exhausted me so much, that last night, I let my guard down and told Matt the part of myself I hate. I’m upset at myself for being weak and at him for calling Tristan.
Tristan.
Someone who cares for me as much as Matt does, or so Matthew argued. Spending the night in Matt’s arms was like spending an afternoon in a hammock on a warm sunny day. Finding Tristan behind my apartment door in the morning made my heart rate spike.
There’s just something about being around the two of them that makes me feel all kinds of things. Cherished, happy, loved, and safe. They have some special gift of knowing exactly what I need, when I need it.
In fact, I’m lying to myself each time I say that having Tristan back isn’t necessary. His being here is a blessing after opening that old wound last night. Then there’s the fact that I don’t feel as if I’m deceiving him, as I do with Matt. He has no grudge against my family.
I hear the powerful rumble of an engine before I open the bar’s door. I turn to find Tristan pulling into Reed’s parking spot. From where I stand, I can only see his face. He wears a big frown. After killing the engine, he gets out of his truck and starts toward me. Just as our eyes meet, that permanent frown erases itself, and the mysterious smile that only shows when we’re alone gleams.
The moment he stops in front of me, my insides become jelly, and my girl parts beg for his touch. Shouldn’t this reaction feel wrong, though? I was in Matt’s arms not long ago.Who am I?
“How was your morning?” He kisses my cheek, then playfully pushes down the flap of my cap. “That baseball cap should be against the dress code.”
He puts his arm around me, turning me toward the door.
“I like it better when your hair is loose. All those colorful strands doing what Thea does best.”
“That sounds interesting. What is it that Thea does best?” Amused, I wait for some nonsense. The only thing I do best is hide and create big thick layers of lies to protect myself from the past.
“Letting the wind take you places.”
