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“Maybe.” I look around the bar, making sure no one is aware that I’m giggling like some teenager talking to her first crush. “What’s up, Matt?”
“I’m about to board the plane but wanted to call before heading back home.” His voice lowers, creating a wave of goose bumps traveling from the nape of my neck all the way to my toes.
How does he do that?
“I have to make a stop at my parents’ first, but after that, I’m driving back to you. Is Trist working tonight?”
“He hates that nickname, Matt,” I remind him. “But yeah, he’s supposed to arrive soon.”
“Awesome, I can’t wait to have you two in my arms.”
“’Kay,” I whisper, melting like ice cream in the middle of the Sahara.
So much for keeping our relationship as a friendship. I’m tied in knots, not knowing where to run to save myself from whatever will happen with us or how to react to all of it. Wanting both, unable to choose one, and fearing I’m in way over my head.
“Text me when you land so that I know you’re safe.”
“I will. See you soon, my butterfly.” The line goes dead before I get a chance to say another word.
“Babe?”
I spin around to find the other part of my heart—Tristan.
What?
Wait, did I just call him the other part of my heart? No way. He can’t be that.
Neither one can become part of…
Who the hell am I kidding? They are, but I have to put on my logical hat and treat this as it is. As mature adults, we have to make choices and live with them.
Tristan snaps his fingers. “What’s with you today? I’ve been calling you since I entered, but you’ve ignored me. Just now, you got lost inside that labyrinth I love.” He kisses my temple, then takes me into his arms.
“Missed you all day,” he says, placing his lips behind my ear.
“He’s coming back tonight, Coop.” I lean my face on top of his shoulder. My lips press against the hollow of his neck. “A part of me is jittery, wanting to hold him, and the other is confused as to how far I’m going to run because I can’t choose between either one of you.”
“I love when you call me, Coop.” I came up with that name last Friday, as he argued with Matt that Trist sounded ridiculous. He runs a hand over my back. “Two weeks ago, I wouldn’t hesitate to tell you to pick him. Today… I don’t want to lose either one of you. Let’s play this weekend by ear. I have to go to California next Monday. We might have an answer or two by then.”
The tug of war my heartstrings fight is not one man against the other. It’s more like how will this work?Ifit works. Fuck it. I can’t believe I’m considering the possibility of a relationship with two men.
Is this what I want?
The answer isn’t clear.
What is clear is the idea of not having either of them with me. And that thought makes me lose my ability to breathe. They are becoming my air.
“You’re overthinking, aren’t you?”
I nod.
He kisses my temple. “Put it in the back of your mind, or you’ll have an anxiety attack.”
“How was your day?” I ask, disentangling myself from the safety of his arms.
“My fifth appointment with the therapist you recommended went well.”
After we agreed to take the jump—give ourselves a chance to think—he asked me to help him find a therapist.
