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I stare at my sister. She saw that?
“Please, please,pleasetell me you’re having a baby. It would make Dad so happy. Ooh, you could get married. Dad could walk you down the aisle. There’s still time.”
“Whoa, slow down. I’m trying to tell you that I’m involved with our uncle. This isn’t a boyfriend. This isUncle Kristian. Don’t you have any complicated feelings about that?”
Lana slumps back in her seat and shakes her head like I’m an idiot. “Why would I? We’re not related to him. Uncle Kristian makes you happy. You were miserable when he was banished, and now he’s back and he adores you more than ever. It’s so obvious whenever he looks at you.” She reaches out and takes my hand. “Dad’s dying, Zenya. What are you so afraid of? The worst thing is already happening.”
“I could lose all of you,” I whisper, feeling choked up, but also knowing that she’s right. The worstisalready happening. The important thing now is that we’re all here for each other, and my family always has been.
My fear is my worst enemy, but it’s all in my head.
My flesh and blood? They’ve always had my back.
“We want to see our big sister happy,” Lana tells me with a smile. “Arron and I often talk about how you protected us all the night of the home invasion. How many other big sisters could have done that? I want to be you when I grow up, you know. You always get to do the cool, edgy stuff. The murder and the crimes at midnight and everyone always telling you secrets. Now you’ve got the most badass boyfriend in the city. Every family we know is going to be gossiping their envious hearts out. If we were pop stars and not criminals you’d be trending online for literally years over this.”
I stare at her with one eyebrow raised. “You’re not supposed to know about the murder and the crimes at midnight. That stuff isn’t cool, either. It’s work, and we actually try to avoid bloodshed.”
Lana sighs. “Fine, but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re always so strong and focused in the face of danger. I wet myself three times the night of the home invasion.”
“That’s a normal response. I bottle everything up and it’s not healthy.”
Lana smiles. “So you do have faults. What are you going to do about that?”
I wrap my arms around her and give her a squeeze. “I’m going to tell my beautiful little sister about feeling complicated things for Kristian.”
She hugs me back, and we hold each other in silence for several minutes until she asks, “Well, can you?”
“Can I what?”
“Teach me about everything you do. I could be your sidekick.”
I laugh and brush her hair back before turning to the wheel and starting the engine. “This life is hard, and you should go to college before you decide anything.”
Lana pouts. “But I don’t want to go to college. I want to be a badass like you.”
As I pull out of the parking garage, I say thoughtfully, “Kristian gave me a present a few weeks ago.”
Lana’s expression is suddenly pure delight. “Was it diamonds? A trip to Paris?”
“It was eyeballs.”
She gags and covers her mouth. “You’re kidding. That was supposed to be romantic?”
“He thought so. Bratva men are all unhinged. So, how about college and then we’ll talk about whether you still want to be part of the Belyaev crime family?”
Lana shudders and reaches for her frappé. “Okay, maybe college first. Fewer eyeballs.” She points her straw at me. “But I might want in later down the track, just so you know.”
If she graduates and she wants to work for the family, I won’t have a problem with that. What’s important is that she has a choice. If I hadn’t killed a man the night of the home invasion, would I be where I am today, providing for my siblings and running the Silo?
Every morning I get up and can’t wait to get to work. Arranging deliveries of stolen and banned merchandise in the night. Sourcing illegal goods for people in all corners of the country. It gives me a thrill. The same one I feel whenever Kristian kisses me.
I smile at the road ahead. I guess I’ve always loved the taste of danger.
Upstairs in my en suite, I cast my eyes over the vanity and my reflection in the mirror and remember how Kristian took my virginity—my real virginity—right here. That man is pure, distilled danger, but he loves to show his sweet side to me. I smile as I spot the nearly empty box of tampons in a drawer. I’ll have to buy more because I’m due soon.
I frown as I stare at the box, and realize it’s been quite a few weeks since I had my period. I got it the night of Lana’s birthday, which was the fourth. Now it’s the tenth of the next month, which means I’m eight days late.
Eight is a lot. I’ve never been that late.
