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Her voice had this high-pitched note of panic in it. She also could hear the slight wobble in it.
Nathan looked at her. “Why are you yelling at Uncle Josh?”
“I’m not.” Tension pounded around them, threatening todouble her over, but Elisa forced a half smile for her son’s benefit. “We’re just hungry. Go inside and wash your hands then we’ll eat.”
“You know what?” Rachel tapped Nathan on the shoulder until he looked up at her. “I need to do that, too, but I don’t know where the bathroom is. Can you show me?”
“Yes!” Nathan started running toward the house. “Here.”
Elisa could feel the shaking start inside her. It rattled in her head and made her knees buckle. She grabbed onto the back of the bench and nodded at Rachel. “Thanks.”
Harris waited until Rachel left and Nathan was out of earshot to plunge ahead. “Well? What’s with the shouting?”
Elisa tightened her grip on the bench as she watched Josh. “You cheated on Abby with Rachel.”
“What?”Harris sounded stunned at the accusation.
Josh just shook his head. “Jesus, Elisa. You are so determined to find me guilty of something.”
Her body felt like it was coming apart. The strength seeped out of her muscles and the fuzziness in her head made it hard to think... to breathe.
He sounded reasonable. Held it together. But he didn’t deny the accusation.
She punched through the fog that descended on her from the inside out. “Instead of giving speeches, answer me. Is it true? Did you cheat on Abby?”
Josh sighed. “You know something, Elisa? Maybe this, your paranoia, is about you and not me.”
“Whoa.” Harris stepped in front of Elisa to confront his brother. “That’s enough.”
“No. Let him say it. We’ve both been holding back. Talk.” Elisa dropped the mug in the grass and grabbed onto the back of Harris’s shirt. She tried to move out from behind him but Harris continued to shield her.
“Maybe you and Abby weren’t really that close. Ever think of that?” Josh shifted to the side and kept his unblinking gaze on Elisa. “She left and didn’t tell you because you were a family obligation to her, not a friend. You met her first but, really, you were forced together because you dated brothers and that’s it.”
Harris held up a hand and pushed Josh back. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
Josh shook his head. “Me? Ask your wife. She’s the one who’s not okay.”
Elisa could see the tension snap across Harris’s shoulders. Barely controlled fury thrummed off him.
“Stop talking,” Harris warned.
Josh scoffed at Harris’s words then walked away. He took one more shot as he left. “You know I’m right. She’s not okay.”
Elisa tried to ignore the personal attack and focus on the bigger picture—he never denied cheating.
A tense meal with limited talking apart from Nathan’s confusing explanation about the right way to spike a football led to a quiet afternoon and evening. Harris barely said a word. He didn’t yell, but he didn’t vow support for her either. He played with Nathan, got him ready for bed, then started his usual nighttime routine.
The silence crackled with energy. She waited for the tensionto explode or for her body to break down. Josh’s comments about her not being okay . . . they hit too close.
She’d been battling insecurities and fears. With her life in free fall, she’d been unable to handle another emotional blow, so she lapped up every explanation Josh offered about Abby back then. The police thought everything was fine. People who didn’t know Abby referred to her “artsy” personality. Elisa bought in because then she didn’t have to think about the horrible alternatives.
She’d been on pain medicine back when Abby disappeared and when she stopped taking it, some of the haze cleared. Anger had hit her first. A sense that Abby should have checked in. That she was being selfish and uncaring in not making contact. Then Elisa found that laptop. She realized that Abby hadn’t just picked up the things that mattered to her and headed for somewhere more fun.
Everything had changed now. Guilt flooded through Elisa for being angry for so long. All that time blaming Abby when Elisa realized she was the one who had failed the friendship. That quickly Elisa’s anger switched focus from Abby to Josh. Doubts bubbled and grew.
Elisa was obsessed with knowing the truth.
Focusing on finding Abby gave her a purpose. After months of dragging her body out of bed and pretending to be fine, searching for an answer made her feel productive again. It eased the dull ache inside her. The sensation of not being happy or sad. She just lingered in the middle. In the nothingness.
