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“The school called you. I called you.” He took the oxford shirt off and threw it on the end of the bed. “Hell, I thought something happened to you.” His gaze traveled over her. “Are you okay?”
That wasn’t her biggest concern at the moment. “Is Nathan okay?”
“Of course.” Harris snorted. “He’s probably rummaging through the kitchen, looking for something to eat because, and I quote, ‘I’m so hungry my stomach is shrinking.’”
She could hear Nathan’s voice, complete with sighing, as he delivered his little speech.
“I told him we had apples at home, and he informed me that apples didn’t stop hunger. For the record, he’s probably not going to be a nutritionist when he grows up.” Harris shook his head. “Be happy you missed it. It was a very dramatic car ride.”
Normally she liked the amused banter and Nathan stories,but not now. She’d been so focused on Josh and the laptop . . . time had drifted. She must have sat in the same place for hours, but how was that even possible?
Maybe Josh was right. Maybe she was losing it.
She had to get to Nathan and hold him. Make sure he was fine. “Let me—”
“Hey.” Harris was in front of her in two steps. “Elisa, what’s going on?”
His face filled with concern. The mixture of confused and sad and worried was hard to miss. No matter how much she wanted to fall into him and forget everything—to go back before the shooting and start over, be able to warn every person she cared about of the horrors and confusion to come and steer them out of them—that wasn’t possible.
How did she forget Nathan? She’d been so clear about needing to pick him up. She even talked about the time with Rachel. Then there was this Lauren person. The theories and questions raced around in Elisa’s head.
Wait... calls?No one had called her.
She looked back at the couch. “Where’s my phone?”
Harris rubbed his hands up and down her arms. “Slow down for a second.”
“I can’t. I have to—”
“You forgot me,” Nathan announced.
She looked around Harris to see Nathan standing in the bedroom doorway, holding what looked like a hastily put together stack of peanut butter and crackers.
More guilt. This time it threatened to suffocate her.
She went over to him and crouched down in front of him so she could see his face. “I’m sorry, honey. I got busy and—”
Harris put a hand on Nathan’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “And she asked me to come get you, which I did. Problem solved.”
Nathan didn’t look convinced as crumbs fell to the floor from the cracker sandwich in his hand. “Alec’s mom called and you didn’t pick up.”
Great. Now Alec’s annoying mom knew their business.
“I’m not sure where my phone is.” That wasn’t a lie. Elisa thought she’d brought it upstairs with her but she didn’t see it.
Nathan shrugged. “It’s okay.”
It really wasn’t. Yeah, he’d forget, but she wouldn’t. Not for a long time. That’s how motherhood worked for her, a constant mental scorecard of the ways she’d messed up. Harris took everything in stride. She obsessed.
But today was a first. She didn’t miss important meetings concerning Nathan or forget to pick him up. Despite the emotional whirlwind of the last year, she’d tried to stay on track where he was concerned. If she could only hold it together for ten minutes a day, those ten minutes belonged to him.
Nathan tipped his head back and looked up at his dad. “Can I play my game?”
“Finish the snack then wash your hands.”
Nathan nodded and zoomed out of the room. She didn’t even bother to tell him to slow down this time.
“Were you working?”
