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“Would y’all mind if I steal Lia real quick? Got some festival business to talk about.”
She doesn’t say anything, but she lets me take her hand and navigate our way through the crowds beginning to form. I pull her down one of the side alleys between two buildings.
She stops and crosses her arms over her chest. “What’s up, Jake?”
I face her, jamming my hands on my hips. “That’s all you have to say to me?”
“What else do you want me to say?”
“What happened this week?”
“What are you talking about?”
I blow out a breath, trying to keep my temper under control. “Let me ask it this way. What the fuck are we doing, Lia? We fuck each other’s brains out last weekend and then you go radio silent on me all week.”
She rolls her eyes. “We talked plenty of times over the week. We’re talking now.”
I stare at her blandly. “That doesn’t answer my question.”
She drops her arms to her sides and lifts her chin. “It’s casual. We fucked—as you so eloquently put it—and now it’s done.”
My pulse starts to pound in my ears. “It’s done? What, you’re just going to call all the shots here?”
She narrows her eyes at me. “Doesn’t feel good, does it?”
My head rears back. “What the hell are you talking about?”
Tears fill her eyes and she lets out a small exhale. “You broke my heart, Jake. I gave you everything. My heart, soul, virginity. And then you just tossed it away two days later, telling me I needed to go off to college and forget about you.”
“So you did this to get back at me for that all these years later?”
She shakes her head and swipes at the tears on her face. “No.” Her stare is on me. “I know it must seem that way, but I promise that isn’t it. But I know myself. I have to keep this casual because I’m leaving in a few days. And if I have a prayer of keeping my heart intact, I have to stay casual.”
My temper snaps and I advance on her. “Fuck casual. Lia, I love you. I never stopped loving you.”
“How can you say that? You broke my heart!”
I walk closer to her, and she walks backward until her back hits the brick wall. “I wanted you to have more than I could give you. You deserved to find a man who could give you everything you ever wanted. I’m not good enough for you, Lia. I wasn’t then,”—I box her in with my arms on either side of her head—“and I’m not now. But the difference is that now I know that no other man will love you as much as I love you.”
She looks up at me, her big blue eyes filled with tears. The hurt in her eyes guts me.
“Lia,”—I brush my thumb along her full bottom lip—“I can’t do casual with you. I thought I could. But after last weekend? I want all of you.”
She bites her lip. “I can’t do anything but casual. That’s all I can give you.”
I swallow the lump in my throat. “So you’re saying I can have your body, but not your heart? Lia,” I breathe, dropping a tender kiss on her lips. “Let me love you, Sunflower.”
Her eyes close for a moment before they open. “You had all of me, Jake. But you broke it. Broke me. You took my choice away. Made it about you and how it made you look like a martyr or something.” She pauses and swallows. “You were the one person who never made me feel second-best. Until that day.”
Our gazes lock and I search her eyes for any sign of letting me in. When I see nothing but hurt, I know that she’s closed the door on me.
And she’s not opening it back up.
I drop my arms and step back. I can’t think straight when her scent surrounds me. “I can’t change what eighteen-year-old Jake did. I was doing what I thought was the best for you. I fucked up. I could have let you go a hundred other ways that wouldn’t have hurt you so much.” I hold my arms out to my sides and let them drop. “But I didn’t. And I’ll regret that the rest of my life.”
She doesn’t say anything, just watches me with tears streaming down her face.
“I’m so sorry I hurt you, Lia.”
