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It was terrifying.
She closed her eyes, trying to shut out the fear, choosing instead to relive the night. The successful performance. The praise… TJ’s kisses.
A shiver of delight shimmied down her back.
TJ Halverson knew how to kiss. And out of all the women in the world, he’d chosen to kiss her.
Could she do it? Could she move beyond friendship with TJ? She had been so certain for so long that he’d find fault with her if he knew all that made her Melody. Wouldn’t anyone? But over the last few weeks and days, he had demonstrated a dedicated loyalty that looked deeper than her faults and failures.
He still didn’t know everything, though. Not half of it. Maybe she could leave it that way. Let him think he’d learned the worst of her.
No, that wouldn’t work. Not with TJ.
Melody groaned and collapsed back on her bed, limp as a soggy noodle, then contracted inward in a tight ball as her reproductive parts reacted to the harsh movement. As she lay, hugging herself, a vibration buzzed on the mattress, and she reached for her phone. She needed to turn up the volume so she would wake up on time. No gym tomorrow morning. She rarely went during her menstrual cycle.
“Oh, Jeremy!” she exclaimed aloud at the sight of the dating app notification on her screen. Tonight, she’d forgotten her online admirer existed. Unease sifted through her as she clicked on the app icon. She couldn’t keep talking to Jeremy if she was going to move forward with TJ.
Sickening terror sloshed over her. Was she really going to start a relationship with TJ? What if it didn’t work out? Their friendship would not survive. She’d lose him completely this time.
Swallowing the panic that rose like a spring flash flood, Melody opened Jeremy’s message.
Dear Melody, I am very anxious to hear how the play went. I’m sure you must be relieved to be done with it. I also hope you’re not stressing too much about your mom’s soon arrival. It will be fine. Set boundaries, stick to them, and choose love when it hurts.
In the meantime, I’d like to meet you before the wedding to reduce any awkwardness we might feel. In fact, I have something very important to discuss with you, and I’d like to do that in person.
Do you have any plans tomorrow evening? The weather is forecasted to be mild, and I thought we might meet at the ice rink at Silver Lake Community Park. If this sounds agreeable, let me know how I can identify you and what time works best. My schedule is flexible. – Always, Jeremy
Melody let the air seep out between a small slit in her lips. The ice rink this time of year was popular. There would be little danger meeting someone there, so long as he didn’t turn out to be the creepy stalker she wondered about.
But what about TJ?
She gnawed on her lip. She hadn’t made any promises to TJ tonight. And she’d already agreed to attend the wedding with Jeremy. She was obligated to go.
She also needed to tell TJ about Jeremy…
Maybe after she met him and had it all sorted in her head. That would buy her time to make a firmer decision about TJ, too. At all costs, she owed Jeremy some honesty. He was so kind and encouraging to her, and she’d been looking forward to meeting him.
Taking a deep breath, she wrote back carefully, knowing she couldn’t retract her words once sent.
Hi Jeremy, the play was a great success but yes I’m so glad it’s over. I’m willing to meet you and still plan to attend the wedding with you, but you should know TJ and I might be moving toward a different level of friendship. Well, more than friendship. It’s complicated and scary and I don’t really know what’s going to happen, but I wanted you to know I’m not at a point where I’m ready to commit to anything with you beyond one date to the wedding. I’ve enjoyed chatting and getting to know you so much, and you provided me with encouragement I needed that no one else could give. If I believed God cared about me, I’d say he sent you to me.
I’ll be wearing a bright red pea coat with a matching hat. The pompom is huge, you can’t miss it. Seven o’clock works best for me. See you then. – Ever your friend, Melody
He hadn’t replied by the time she turned out the light and crawled into bed. Perhaps he had changed his mind based on her words about TJ, but Melody decided to go anyway and find out.
All night she dreamed of soft kisses and sweet words, but when she awoke, panic set in with a vengeance, like it had during high school after TJ’s first kiss. Only this time, it was worse.
She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t let TJ in. She didn’t knowhow.
Her text notification went off at 8:30 a.m. when she was drinking coffee. Normally she would be at the gym now before her ten o’clock class.
TJ: Good morning, Mel. I know last night was a lot. It’s okay to take time to process. I’m not going anywhere, okay?
Her fingers were trembling so hard, she could barely respond. Tears blurred her eyes.
Melody: Okay, I’m really scared.
TJ: At least you’re being honest about how you feel. We can work through your fears. I prayed a special prayer for peace for you today. I have something after work tonight, but I’ll talk to you later on.
