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Melody pressed her legs together to reduce their shaking. Her stomach churned and burned and rejected the notion of more coffee.
Why couldn’t TJ have left well enough alone?
She dumped the remaining contents of her cup in the sink and heaved a sigh strong enough to create a ripple on Lake Michigan.
She knew why. Because it had never been “well enough” for TJ. And if she were going to be one-hundred-percent honest with herself, it hadn’t been for her, either.
* * * * *
When TJ had read Melody’s message last night, including her admission to Jeremy that she might have feelings for her best friend, he didn’t feel the elation he would have otherwise. It galled him to realize if he’d just been patient... Just trusted God... Not been so worried about rejection... Stepped out in faith and courage... All those things would have brought him to this point with Melody on his own. No fake Jeremy in the mix.
But now that he’d created such a tangled web, it was his responsibility to find a way out.
The easiest way was for Jeremy to tell Melody he wasn’t interested. Or better yet, Jeremy could simply disappear. Then TJ would fill his void. Easy peasy. But he would need an explanation for how he knew the things about her she still hadn’t toldhim. That, or pretend he didn’t know those things until she worked up the courage to tell him.
And the deception would continue. On and on and on. He couldn’t build a relationship on blatant dishonesty.
He remembered the sermon he’d zoned out of a few weeks back and thought of Abraham in the Bible. At the deception he had concocted to save his skin from Pharaoh. And how that deception had perpetuated itself in a long line of descendants. Isaac. Jacob. Even Abraham’s distant relatives had joined in the trickery to deceive Jacob. Jacob’s own wives and sons deceived him, too. There was no end to deception once it began.
It had to stop now. He would be honest. He would admit his lie, confess his mistake, and ask for Melody’s forgiveness. Yesterday she’d proven she cared for him more than he’d dared to hope. He only hoped she cared enough to trust him after she knew the truth—and after she realized he knew the truth abouther.
Worry and dread twisted within him like a coiled rope, and he breathed another prayer heavenward before forcing his mind back to the manuscript on the screen. Work couldn’t go fast enough today. Nor could it go slow enough.
God, help me…
“TJ, do you have a minute?”
He swung around and gulped. It was Gary.
Doubt and insecurity infiltrated his mind, sabotaging his newfound courage. Why had he sent that email to Gary yesterday?
“Sure.” He didn’t have a spare chair in his tiny cubicle. Was it rude to remain seated? He began to stand, but Gary motioned him down.
“You’re fine. I received your email. I had no idea you’re a writer. Good for you.”
“Thank you.” TJ clasped his hands on his desk, then stuffed them down under the desk on top of his thighs. His legs jittered together.
“The synopsis was great. Sounded like something I’d enjoy reading. But—” TJ cringed, bracing himself. There was always a but. “We recently signed with an author with a similar series, and we wouldn’t be ready for another for two years at least, and by then who knows what the market will look like.”
Disappointment spiraled through TJ, top to bottom, trying to pull his head down, but he resisted, forcing his chin high. This was only the beginning. He’d told himself that yesterday.
“I understand. Thank you for your consideration.”
“Oh, anytime. I hope you don’t mind, but I took the liberty of forwarding your synopsis to my nephew. He’s a literary agent, and it’s right up his favorite alley.”
TJ was aware his mouth was agape before he finally managed to gasp, “Mind? Of course I don’t mind. Thank you so much.”
Gary shrugged. “No problem. And no promises, mind you. You understand the industry.” All too well. “It’s too bad you didn’t submit earlier. A few months ago, we’d have signed with you in a heartbeat. But you wouldn’t have known that unless you worked in acquisitions.”
Unbelievable. If he’d gotten over his fear of rejection sooner, he could already have a publishing contract in hand.
Point taken, God. TJ filed away the lesson and vowed to never forget. Anyway, God had just reminded him of another leap of faith he needed to take.
“Speaking of acquisitions.” A tremor shook his voice, and he cleared his throat, squaring his shoulders. Every new step got a little easier. “Have you found a replacement for Anne Marie yet?”
Gary’s nose scrunched. “We’ve gotten a little interest. No one who fits the bill quite right. Still taking applications.”
His throat was impossibly dry, but he wouldn’t back down now. “May I add my resume to the mix?”
