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“Jeremiah,” she said, choking out his middle name. She’d forgotten what the J stood for. He’d been TJ to her all along.
Her eyes closed slowly. She was stupid. So, so stupid! What kind of idiot couldn’t figure that out? The picture had reminded her so much of TJ because itwasTJ. His personality, his word choices, his reactions to her revelations…
Nausea slammed into her, making her body go slack against the ice rink. “Whydid youdothis?”
His face contorted, his eyes wild with agonized worry. “Mel…”
“Was it a joke? Because of my Esmeralda crack?”
“Huh?” He looked genuinely confused before he recovered. “Oh. That. No way. I wasn’t serious that I was going to get you back. I don’t care about that.”
“Then…why?” She clenched her jaw together before her teeth began chattering. She’d told TJeverything. Everything bad. Everything to disappoint. Every failure. Every fault. He’d seen her horrible writing skills. He’d learned of her mom’s abuse. Shoot, he’d even read her admission that she felt something for him, words she hadn’t chosen to speak to him yet. There was nothing left between them to protect her.
Her eyes closed again in mortification and terror as chills broke out upon her skin, traveling deep, through every layer, until her heart quaked. Oh, yes. She had a heart. It was very real. And very much afraid.
“Melody, listen to me.” From the volume of his voice, he had moved closer, and there was no room for Melody to shift back. She was trapped between him and the ice rink. “This was not a joke. It was an incredibly foolish, dishonest move inspired by desperation.”
Desperation. The same thing coating his every word right now.
Melody cracked her eyes open. He was one foot away, his face pleading, his eyes brimming with despair that warred with hope.
“I’ve liked you for so long.Solong. And you would never let me in. So, I thought—”
“You thought lying to me and tricking me would bring us together?” Melody found her voice. “You thought forcing me to spit out the truth in trust would make me trust you in the flesh?”
“Please, Melody.” His voice grew hoarse. “I’m sorry. It was wrong. So very wrong. I knew it when I started, and I know it even more now. But I meant every word I ever said to you as Jeremy. I said those things as TJ.” He leaned toward her, earnest, intense. “You need to know that.”
He meant he accepted her. As is. With all that he knew.
Sweet warmth began to engulf Melody, spreading up her fingertips and arms, all the way to her heart, bringing calming tingles with it. Before she could pin the pleasing sensation in place, keep it there forever as she wished to, a swiftly-flowing icy cold chased it away.
What if TJ only thought he accepted her? What if he changed his mind? What if he got closer and realized her mom had been right? That Drew had been right?
What if he saw that she really and truly was a disappointment?
Melody’s body shook like a tree about to fall at the lumberjack’s last hit.
“Give me another chance, Mel. Give me a chance to show you that you’re enough for me. That you always have been.”
The longing was strong to throw herself into his arms, to feel their blessed strength close around her and shut out all the fear, all the memories, all the voices that declared her failures. So strong that she took a step forward. But then she looked into TJ’s dear face. No other face compared. No other man was as handsome, no other man so good. His deceit, while hurtful, wasn’t the real problem.
The problem was her. She loved him too much to let him down. And shewouldlet him down. It was what Melody Reed did.
As the feelings of inadequacy she had known her entire life swallowed her whole, she took a sidestep away.
“Melody.” Unable to bear the sound of deepest sorrow in his voice—the raw pain and rejection—she broke into a sprint, not caring how the motion jarred her body. She only knew she had to run from TJ and stay far, far away from him for the rest of her life.
As she drove across Silver Lake City, tears blinded her vision until the road blurred. A sob escaped as she swiped a hand across her face, heedless of the makeup she was smearing.
Her greatest fear had come true. She’d lost TJ. She’d lost her best friend. Why had he done it?
“Why, TJ? Why, why,why?” she raged into her car’s silent interior, turning without thought onto the streets that would lead her home. What would she do when she got home?
No. She couldn’t think beyond this minute. This very second. She couldn’t consider the rest of her life stretching before her, void of TJ.
As she turned onto the last street, she whimpered at the sheer magnitude of loss blasting its way through her like a shockwave. Then she hit the brakes so hard she began to slide on the icy road. What was that car in her driveway? The 1990s Chevy sedan didn’t look familiar. But the woman climbing out of it did.
Melody was going to be sick.
