AllFreeNovel
Share Us
In the beginning, we’d talked about how much we both missed Natalie; we’d reminisced and watched old home videos. It was a way of healing rather than pretending it’d never happened. But as time had passed and we got busy, watching our old life on the screen had stopped, and so had reminiscing. I wasn’t naive to believe her wounds were not still there because my wounds still weren’t healed. When someone died—someone you loved dearly, maybe even more than yourself—that pain never really went away. It might dim, but I knew from experience, you never fully forgot.
“Just talk to her,” Brad repeated.
I nodded, my eyes going shut. “I was going to, but it looks like that talk is going to happen sooner than expected.”
I peered up at the door she’d shut on me and knew there was no way I’d fit in that small space with her. And knowing her, she wanted to be alone right now. But I’d wait by this tree house all night if I had to, wait till she was ready to talk to me, wait until she was ready to forgive me.
Chapter 34
Charles
My gaze dropped to the ground, the grass, to the area of dirt where I’d uprooted a patch of grass. I whispered, “Nat, do a Hail Mary, will you? You know your daughter more than I do. Show me how to handle this situation.”
A small laugh escaped my lips. I could picture her shaking her head, giving me that look that said,Charles, you should have known better.She’d never utter those words, but with that one look, I knew what she was thinking.
It was a whole two hours later when Sarah descended the steps from the tree house, and I was right there, butt on the grass, leaning against the tree, waiting for her.
She wrung her hands in front of her, and her eyes were noticeably red.
I stood and brought her into a hug, grateful she didn’t push me away. As soon as she nuzzled her head into my chest, I released a breath of relief. And then she melted into my arms, her body going limp.
“I miss Mom.” Her voice was muffled against my shirt, and I pulled her in tighter against me.
My chest seized, and I swallowed the lump in the back of my throat. “I know. I do too, honey. I do too.”
I pulled her up then and lifted her into my arms. At ten, her legs dangled. She wasn’t a little girl anymore, but she’d always be my little girl.
When she tucked her chin into my neck, I lifted my eyes to the sky—searching for a cloud, the sun, some sort of sign. Sometimes, I’d pick a cloud in the sky and picture Nat, sitting there, watching me.
In that moment, I thanked her, like I’d done so many times before. I thanked her for these girls, my most precious gifts. One she’d even died for.
“I’m sorry.” My voice was choked with emotion.
Sarah shouldn’t have found out about Becky and me that way. I’d never been sloppy before. With my girls, there was no room for mistakes, but with Becky, as I had quickly learned, all those rules were out the window.
Sarah shook her head and pushed her face further in my neck. My fingers went to her hair, and I turned my face to meet her cheek, planting a kiss there.
Why did every little thing have to be so damn hard? Letting go, moving on, learning to live without someone, and then figuring out how to fold someone new into our lives …
I hadn’t thought Sarah would be ready for me to date again. And as I gritted my teeth, I realized that accelerating my relationship with Becky without telling my girls first was the most selfish thing I’d ever done with my girls, and it was the first time I hadn’t put their emotions and their needs above mine.
If they weren’t okay, what was I going to do?
The thought hadn’t even crossed my mind, but my girls were young, and there’d be time for me later, right? To date, to love again, when they were grown and had lives of their own.
I swallowed as sadness hit me directly in the chest. The thought of ending this new thing with Becky already gutted me.
For a brief moment, I closed my eyes, my breaths matching Sarah’s, and I decided whatever my girls wanted, whatever they needed, it was my job to provide that. If, in the end, they weren’t ready, I’d have to accept that. That was something Becky would have to accept to, right? Would she wait?
Slowly, a breath escaped me. That wasn’t my priority now. My priority was the little girl in my arms.
When she pulled back, she swiped at her tears, and grief tore at my heart.
“I just miss her.” She sobbed, her tears falling relentlessly down her cheeks.
Good God, I hated seeing my girls cry. It took me a moment to speak. “I know. I miss her too. Every day.”
“And Becky …” Her voice trailed off.
