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“Oh, hey.” My voice shook, exactly like in high school when I’d come home past curfew. My mother would be sitting in the dark, as Lyria was now. “Were you waiting up for me?” I quirked an eyebrow.
“I was.”
“Why?”
“’Cause you weren’t home yesterday. Addison has asked about you. Alec is too drunk to know what’s going on, and he’s been at Kevin’s house. Me? I’m curious to see if my hypothesis is true as to why you weren’t in your bed last night.”
I averted my eyes as I unzipped my jacket and hung it up. “Well …”
Lyria was perceptive. She’d always been.
“I was at Austin’s. He’s recovering, and”—I coughed, choking on my own spit—“he needed help—”
“Bullshit,” she called out, making me tense up.
She stood then, meeting me where I stood, clutching my stomach.
“I’m not judging you, sister. God only knows, I’m the last person on this earth who should be judging you.”
I lifted my chin to the ceiling, unable to meet her eyes. “Well, it seems like you’re judging me. Just say it, okay?” A queasiness settled deep in my gut. Then, meeting her eyes, I said, “Does … Alec know?”
She shook her head. “Didn’t you hear what I just said? He’s at Kevin’s house. When he came home the past few nights, he reeked of liquor. He’s trying to drink Brandy out of his system. Been there. Done that. It only lasts for so long.” She lowered her head, tipping her chin to her chest.
I shut my eyes tightly, trying to think of how this could be a good thing. How Austin and I could be a good thing. It couldn’t. I wasn’t able to imagine a life where Alec and he could be friends again and where Brandy would somehow still be a background piece of our family.
“Nothing’s going to come of it, Lyria. Don’t worry.” And the moment the words left my mouth, my heart sank to my toes. I wanted that feeling of elation back, but it no longer lingered.
She took my hand in hers, a soft gesture, making me want to cry. “That’s what I’m worried about, Sydney. That nothing will come of it.”
I sat down, all sorts of chaos in my head. “You’re so confusing. You sit here in the dark, waiting for me to come home. I thought you were here to crucify me.”
She let out a low laugh. “I’ve been thinking a lot. My head is really noisy.” Her gaze flittered to something over my shoulder as she got lost in her own thoughts again. “And I think … I just need silence to think things through.” When her eyes met mine, they were adamant. “Don’t regret things. Whatever happens between you and Austin, just make sure it’s what you want, not what you think others want for you or what you think is better for Alec or Austin.”
I swallowed hard. I wished things were simpler. I couldn’t help but ask, “Are you regretting things now? Leaving? Things with Justin?”
She waved a hand and shook her head. “This is not about me. This is about you. I’ve seen you, Sydney. You haven’t been with anybody in a long time or felt giddy in forever.”
“Giddy?” I paused, wondering what was okay to admit or not admit to. “Austin and I … we only happened a few days ago.” I cringed inwardly at my own lie.
She let out a low laugh. “I don’t want to know the details about when you gottogether, together. All I know is that … you’re more upbeat. You seem different, Sydney—lighter, happier. And it started more than a couple of days ago, more like a month ago.” She raised a knowing eyebrow and placed a hand on top of mine on the table. “It’s like the Sydney before Mom died has emerged. And I can’t help but associate that with Austin because that’s when I noticed the difference.”
I let out a long breath. “I don’t even know what that means.”
“It means, the Sydney before Mom died is back.”
I frowned, not liking where this was going. “Lyria, that makes no sense. I’m me. The same me before Mom died and after.”
She shook her head. “None of us would agree with that statement. Out of all of us, you’ve changed the most.” Lyria’s eyes softened. “I miss this version. The less uptight sister. The one who breaks the rules. Who doesn’t come home because she’s out with some boy.”
I shook my head. “You’re wrong. I’ve been responsible because I had to, but I don’t think I’ve changed.”Have I?
“What are you afraid of?” Lyria pressed, her eyes urgent. “What’s holding you back?”
“Alec …” I said, my voice a broken whisper. “You were there. You saw him at the bar. You saw how mad he was. He’d never allow it. He’d never be okay with this … with us.”
She leaned into my direct line of sight. “Who says he has a say? You don’t give him that power, Sydney, because this is your life, not his.”
“How can you say that? If you were in my shoes right now, in this moment, you would choose Alec over some man over and over again.”
